Episode Report Card Sobell: B | 1 USERS: B- YOU GRADE IT Well, now you've done it, T-Bag
By Sobell | Season 1 | Episode 12 | Aired on 11.20.2005
Michael slumps and sighs in the examining room chair. Dr. Sara's trying to prep his arm, but he's fidgeting and looking everywhere but at her. He finally says, "He's had it out for me since the day I got here." Dr. Sara, who has clearly moved to the later chapters in Don't Do Life in the Prison of Love, replies, "Hold still, please." Burn! Michael apologizes. Dr. Sara pricks his finger or whatever, and he goes back to gnawing on his knuckle, obviously agitated. Dr. Sara silently pulls down his arm and begins prepping it for his insulin. Michael doesn't look at her as he says, "I only married her so she'd get her green card." Dr. Sara then undoes all the progress she made earlier with, "I saw you coming out of the conjugal room." And he's not married to you, is he? Michael gives a non-answer with, "That's just business," and Dr. Sara lies through her teeth with, "You don't have to explain it to me, Michael." ["Then why bring up the conjugal room if you don't want an explanation, Passive-Aggressie Bessie? It's called 'Match.com,' look into it." -- Sars] Michael stares and says he wants to explain it. Dr. Sara stalks off rather than bother figuring out whether Michael's being sincere or merely trying to play her. Michael does not look happy as he watches her go.
In cellblock A, the cons are mingling. Who knew prisons had cocktail hours? Anyway, T-Bag sidles up to the new and improved Westmoreland and tries to smart-mouth. Westmoreland wheels around and growls, "Take a couple of steps back, boy." Sensitive student of human nature T-Bag says, "Know what I can't understand is why somebody like you wants to get out of here anyway? How you going to survive on the outside? The world's all different now. It's scary! They got computer phones, boobies made out of silicone...you wouldn't know what to do!" Frankly, I'm stunned that T-Bag's got working knowledge of either VoIP or the secondary sexual traits of post-pubescents. ["He's an expert in Brooks's lines from Shawshank, at least. …Come on, writers, at least don't be so obvious about it." -- Sars] Westmoreland points out that he really doesn't need to be justifying himself to T-Bag, but T-Bag thinks otherwise, and threatens to snap a few of Westmoreland's old bones. Westmoreland sends T-Bag flying backwards with a well-placed shove, then invites the bantamweight pervert to take his best shot. Because T-Bag can't, he's reduced to making idle threats.
Meanwhile, over in Abruzzi's cell, the hitman's having either a seizure or a brainstorm. It's hard to tell which it is. However, it revolves around a folded piece of paper in his hand. A few moments later, we see him strolling over to say hi to Linc in the yard. Abruzzi tells Linc, "Records from the phones in the yard. James Bagwell lives down in Gary." Linc correctly guesses, "T-Bag's insurance policy?" Abruzzi says placidly, "Yeah. My guy's gonna lock him up in a moving van for a coupla days until we're in the clear." Linc says, "Moving van?" He's not horrified so much as he is skeptical, it sounds. Abruzzi shrugs, "Don't worry, he can breathe and all. We do it all the time." He thinks that this way, T-Bag will no longer be a threat. If Abruzzi leaps to these kinds of conclusions all the time, it's a wonder he survived to his forties.