Episode Report Card Cindy McLennan: A | 80 USERS: B+ YOU GRADE IT Doppelgängbang
By Cindy McLennan | Season 5 | Episode 7 | Aired on 11.14.2013
Parlor. Bonnie is standing alone in front of the fire when a smiling Q approaches her from behind, and says, "You're the anchor, now." Bonnie's smile fades. "Tessa. Where did you just come from?" Q says, "I'm dead. As I pass through you, you'll feel my death. You'll feel every death. Every supernatural being that passes over to the other side will pass through you. Sorry. That's gonna hurt like a bitch." She lays a hand on Bonnie's shoulder and disappears. Bonnie contorts as she screams. We cut to a...
Sidebar. I don't know how things will end this season, but given this new information about Bonnie, here's how they should end: Bonnie should die and in doing so, destroy this torturous Other Side. Let's stick a pin in this, because we won't know for about 15 more episodes, right? Over at the...
Property Line. Stefan, shovel in hand, is standing over Mr. Shallow-Grave Stylus Shadow-Self Silas -- like you do -- when you've vanquished your once immortal, but finally mortal enemy. Elena arrives on the scene. "So, he's dead. It's over?" Stefan says it is. Elena wants to know if killing Silas will help Stefan be okay, now. Elena, I love you, I really do. I don't even get why people hate you (although I dearly get why they grow weary of you at times). The thing is, maybe you backing the hell off of Stefan and letting him heal is the thing that will make him okay. Maybe you can't cause a wound and then wander by thrice daily, rip off the scab and still expect quick healing. Give a brother some room. Stefan is nicer than I am, but only slightly. "Why is this so important to you?" Elena says she knows how much Silas stole from Stefan. Stefan says, "Yeah, and he's dead." And I have to start a new paragraph, not because this is a smooth place to do so, but because I know I'm going to have THINGS to say.
Elena says, "And because while you were suffering in that safe, grasping onto hope, fighting every second so that you wouldn't lose your humanity, I was happy." Okay, stop right there, Missy. What the fuck? And I'm sorry for that, but you people know me. I'll work a little blue here and there. I'll let slip a damn or a shit or a bitch. Hell doesn't even count, because with the kinds of shows I cover, Hell just might be a location shoot. But when do I use the f-bomb in recaps? Have I used it even a dozen times in the past five years? Maybe, but I don't think so. I should do some sort of bastardized Rae Dawn Chong Challenge, and make you find all my uses of the F word, but if you complied, I'd cringe and send editorial some tortured email asking them to correct them all to frick, so let's spare ourselves. It doesn't sound right coming out of me. Some people swear with aplomb. It's an art form for them. For them, cursing is like Yo-Yo Ma on the cello or Baryshnikov in tights. It just works. When I do it, it reads like the geeky girl, still in braces and headgear, trying to talk like a tough chick. What was I even talking about? (P.S. my inner geek wants you to know that while I had braces, they were off by the time I was 13 and I never needed headgear.)