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"Death and the Maiden" is a rich, detailed, episode in which 957 things happen. So yeah, it's your typical TVD mind-blower. After serving as the stony faced anchor to the Other Side for the past 2,000 years, Amara would like to die now, please. Everyone would love to oblige Miss Crazy Pants, but the Fellowship of the Falls needs her for just a few more hours.
Damon propositions Q-Tessa, but not in the usual Evil Pixie Monster way. He wants Q to make Bonnie the new anchor to the Other Side, provided Q will resurrect her. What's in it for Q? Since Amara drank Silas's blood and is now cured of her pesky immortality, once she dies she'll go to the lower-case other side. If Bonnie is the new anchor to the upper-case Other Side, when Silas dies, he'll go there and Q will win.
Q needs something powerful to bind the spell. There's no upcoming comet or what have you, so she proposes Doppelgänger blood. Damon is thrilled. "I've got doppelgängers coming out of my ears." So say we all, Pixie. So say we all. Caroline rounds up Katherine. Elena and Amara are already at Mossy Manse, so it's a go.
Silas causes some problems, of course, but it's nothing our fellowship can't handle. In the end, Bonnie is back. Is there a catch? Of course there is. This is TVD. Now every time a supernatural dies, they have to pass through Bonnie to the Other Side and it hurts like a bitch. Q promptly offs herself and Bob's John's your uncle daddy, Bonnie screams in pain.
Stefan kills Silas, which he's been itching to do all episode. Elena and Damon reach out to Stefan, who admits he wanted his other two triangle points to be the ones who rescued him. They seem to reach a détente, but while the boys are burying Silas, Stefan has a flashback to his summer of drowning and seems to be physically overcome by I don't even know.
Meanwhile, Q screws Katherine out of a cure for her rapid aging and Katherine soundly rejects her daughter, but I suspect it's to protect her. What do you think? Also, with Amara, Q and Stylus gone so early in the season, does this mean my Pudding Pop Matt (who is not in this episode) is going to be this season's Big Bad?
I'll be back the full recap, ASAP. In the meantime, please grade the episode at the top of the page, and then come on over to the forum, where Jeremy and Bonnie are sitting in a tree. P.S. Demian, if you're reading, the word count to this recaplet (header and html coding included) is 589 words.
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Want more? The full recap starts right below!The opening scene of "Death and the Maiden" is such a departure for The Vampire Diaries, that I can't bear the thought of covering the Previouslies. Yes, sometimes I eat dessert first, too. Let's get right to it, shall we?
The Aquatones serenade us with "You," as we open at a bus stop. Silas is seated to a young couple (played by Brady McInnes and Elizabeth Ludlow). He asks them if they've ever been in love. The woman says they are. Silas pronounces them adorable. Silas goes on about how he loves love and his love -- his eternal soulmate. He admits to cheating with her on his then-fiancée. The more he unloads on them, the more the couple squirms. Well, the woman does. The man looks like he's still half in the bag, and is just looking for a little snooze at the bus stop. By the time Silas tells them his fiancée found out about Amara and turned her to stone, even Donnie Drunko is paying attention. I mean he not only mumbles, "Dude," but also manages to ask if Silas is okay.
Silas non-sequiturs by asking why the guy thinks he's crazy. "All I've wanted for the last two thousand years is to be reunited with the love of my life. How is that crazy?" Debbie Down-Dater offers: "Maybe the 'turned her to stone' part?" Donnie Drunko adds, "Or the two thousand years part." Silas is having a hell of a time messing with these two. "No guys. We were both immortal and now we're not. Hello?" As the couple slides as far away from him as the little bench will allow, Silas continues his tale of woe. "Look, the point is, I finally had the chance to hold Amara in my arms and what does she do? She jams a chunk of glass into my carotid artery." He peels back the dressing on his neck. "Look, look." Donnie looks like he's going to hurl. "No. Thanks. No." Silas tells them that his advice is to live it up. "You know, enjoy this love while it lasts, because let me tell you something, just a couple of days ago, I was psychic. I was immortal. I was in love. Now my neck hurts, my soul is crushed, I'm sitting in a bus stop in frigging Delaware..." Still clutching Donnie's arm as tight as she can, Debbie leans over and says, "You're in Philly." Silas says, "I'm in Philly? Oh, God. It's even worse." Ha. Sorry Philly. I hear your cheesesteaks are deadly lovely. Thanks for being the cradle of liberty. Oh wait, that's Boston. Well, you do have the bell. Of course, you also broke it. I'm one exit away from telling you that you're why we can't have nice things, so I'll just move it along in the spirit of brotherly love.
Once Silas is quiet, Donnie clutches his side and groans. Debbie asks him what's going on. He starts vomiting blood. I have to watch the rest of this scene through my fingers. I'm sorry. Debbie somehow twigs to the fact that Silas is causing this. "What are you doing to him?" Silas leans back, with his head against the bus stop enclosure. "I think I'm liquefying his internal organs. Did I fail to mention that I'm a witch?" Debbie begs Silas to stop, but he refuses. "I'm pissed off at the world and I'm taking it out on your so-called lover. I'm thinking you might be my victim." Donnie is kneeling on the ground by now. The focus of Debbie's panic switches from Donnie to herself. She runs across the road. Silas is disgusted. "Unbelievable. Love is so damned fickle. Incredible." He helps Nearly Dead Donnie back up on the bench. The bus approaches, so Silas adds, "Buses however..." And you know what, I'm pretty sure he steals his victim's duffel bag… not that Donnie will be needing it. Title card.
I thought I ended back up in the "Previously" scenes, but it's just Stefan having nightmares about Silas looking just like him, locking him in a safe and throwing him into the quarry, where he drowned and revived all summer. His dream switches to one of the visions of Elena that Stefan used to sustain himself during his torment. He wakes up with a start to find the actual Elena opening his curtains and bringing him a cup of blood. Can you not let him sleep in, Elena? It's not like he works or goes to school. Sheesh. Oh wait, she only brought him coffee. Seriously Elena, you wake him up for this?
After some inane chatter, Elena admits she woke Stefan because she misses him. When he lost his memories, she lost a friend. A friend? I think she's the one who has lost her memories. [You're not friends. You'll never be friends. You'll be in love 'til it kills you both. You'll fight and you'll shag and you'll hate each other 'til it makes you quiver, but you'll never be friends. Love isn't brains, children. It's blood… blood screaming inside you to work its will. I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it. -- Spike] Thank you, Captain Peroxide. I was going to link to a bunch of Stefan and Elena's more traumatic scenes, but you've saved me approximately three hours of sorting. This season of TVD is nothing, if not an homage to the Buffyverse, so I might as well go there for references. Oh and 'shippers of various stripes, please don't take that quote as some proof that I'm a Stefan/Elena 'shipper. I think Katherine nailed it back in the Season 2 finale; Elena loves them both. Since Elena is no longer a high school junior, I have more problems with it, but that doesn't change what I see.
So where were we? Yes. Elena doesn't know that Qetsiyah shoved Stefan's memories back inside him, so she proposes they start fresh and introduces herself. Instead of just telling Elena he now remembers everything, he decides to tell her everything he remembers about the night Silas dumped him in the quarry. Thank goodness Elena cuts him off. Eventually, Stefan explains that Q-Tessa undid her brain frying spell. Oblivious to his pain, Elena tells Stefan this is great and amazing and hugs him. Oh, poor Stefan. We cut to the...
Mossy Manse Parlor. Damon quizzes Stefan on significant dates in their past. It was in October 1852 that Damon (accidentally!) broke Stefan's nose, while teaching him to throw a right hook. And Stefan didn't buy his motorcycle; Damon stole it for him. I literally cannot stand recapping this show's dialogue this season. I don't know why. This season is better than the two (at least so far), but I start seething with hatred, whenever the characters start talking. Anyhow, when Damon is surprised Tessa just gave Stefan's memories back, Stefan says it wasn't a gift. As he recalls once again drowning in the safe, he squeezes his glass coffee cup until it shatters.
Elena tries to get him to explain what he was thinking about, but Stefan deflects. Fortunately for him, they're interrupted by the sounds of Amara banging around down in the dungeon (which I originally typed as "jungle" -- wth). As a visual aid in explaining their plethora of Nina Dobrev doppelgängers, Damon brings Stefan down to see Amara for himself and then gives him Miss Crazypants' backstory. She's yelling at people who we can't see. The brothers discuss that she's the anchor to the Other Side. Damon goes into the plan to retrieve Bonnie and explains that Amara is no longer immortal, because she sucked the cure out of Silas. They have to keep her alive until they get Bonnie back. They're just waiting for Silas to get back in town. Damon has to enter the cell when Amara hurts herself. I think she bites her own wrist, but I'm not rewinding to watch, okay? When Damon restrains her, we get a good look at the blood dripping down her face. Try something new, Show. Amara screams at him to let her die. Holding the girl's wrists, Damon tells Stefan, "Let's hope love is blind… or at least deaf."
Jeremy finds the Ghost o' Bonnie waiting somewhere else in Mossy Manse. He tells her it's not going to be easy to keep Amara alive. Bonnie must have been putting her ghostliness to good use (i.e. spying on the action) because she's already wondering what would happen if Amara died while she was still the anchor. Would there just be a flash of light and then nothing? "It won't hurt, will it? That would suck if it hurt." Jeremy tells Bonnie he has three things he wants to tell her. She tells him not to give her a goodbye speech. Jeremy says the fact that this isn't a goodbye speech is the first thing he wants to tell her. That is probably your highpoint for this episode, kids. You should exit, stage left. They don't listen. As his second point, Jeremy thanks Bonnie for sacrificing her life for him. When he tries to tell her the third thing, Bonnie stops him. "If you don't tell me, we'll have to wait until another time, which means there'll be another time." Oh, I get it -- Q restored Stefan's memories, but as a side-effect Bonnie's have been erased. On this show, all people (especially your people, Bonnie) die untimely deaths. The love birds hold up their hands that can't touch each other and we cut to...
Whitmore College Lab. Katherine is still after Dr. Maxfield to find a cure for what ails her. When she is less than accepting of his declaration that her lab work is normal, Maxfield takes out his little tape recorder and notes: "Patient is irritable. Not sure if this is a symptom or personality." Whee! Katherine throws something (maybe his recorder -- everytime I rewind, the TiVo status bar gets in the way) across the lab and says, "Personality." A lot of patients are not this honest with their healthcare providers. Good for you, Kiki. Maxfield figures that since she's been around for 500 years, about the only thing that's going on is that time is catching up with her. Katherine wants to know how long she has. Maxfield figures she has a few months. "I'm sorry." Meanwhile, I'm sorry that the show is telling us in one breath that all her labs are normal, but yet in the , Maxfield can still conjure up some life expectancy estimate. Commercial.
Silas is still on the bus when he calls Damon. It's an amusing scene in which Silas relates all he's learning about modern people, as well as the high price of gasoline. I hope you watched it, because I am not transcribing. I enjoy the show until I get to a place where I might have once chosen to quote the characters at length. Now, I just want to stab them all with a son of white oak stake that's been sharpened by a mystical dagger and then dipped in a solution of white oak ash and vervain, which has been diluted with holy water (just in case), the cure and liquefied wolfsbane (also just in case). Repeatedly. The real point of the call is: Silas has decided Amara needs to die now, because she's suffered for so long. Damon can kill her, if he wants. Damon reminds Silas about his promise to bring back Bonnie before they kill Amara and destroy the Other Side. I guess while he was on that bus, Silas also learned that promises are meant to be broken, because he's changed his mind. Bonnie has been eavesdropping on the call. While Damon is frustrated and furious, she appears resigned.
Back at Whitmore, Caroline is trying to call Jesse, because that's what she does this season. She leaves voicemail messages for boys who don't call back. At least Jesse has an excuse. Nadia mocks Caroline about leaving a message for a boy who's just not that into her, which is totally annoying since they've never even met. Nadia is looking for Katherine and admits she checked Caroline's room. Caroline: "Great. Even Katherine's friends are bitches." After Nadia says, "I'm not her friend," Katherine arrives on the scene and lies that Nadia is her hair stylist. Once Caroline Whatevers them and leaves, Nadia forces Katherine to stop avoiding her and just sit. We cut to...
Mossy Manse. Elena proposes hiding Amara then all but sings a rousing rendition of "My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean." By the time she gets to the "Bring back my Bonnie to me," chorus, Stefan snaps and asks if she hasn't been listening. Silas won't bring back Bonnie. Elena reminds Stefan that he knows her, "...probably better than anyone else." It's curious that the camera doesn't cut to Damon right then. Elena's point is -- does Stefan think there's a chance that Elena will give up on Bonnie. Stefan snarls that he does know her. "You put your hope in all the wrong places and sometimes," he turns his head toward Damon, and adds, "...in the wrong people." Oh Damon, don't look convicted. Give him some defiant eye-thing or something. Once he's done throwing shade at his big brother, Stefan returns his attention to Elena. "Silas needs to die and put us all out of our misery." Elena says while Silas lives, she'll hold out hope that he'll bring back her Bonnie to her, to her. Stefan says, "Well, as someone who just spent the last three months at the bottom of a quarry because of the guy, I wouldn't hold your breath. Pun intended. Silas needs to die and I need to be the one who kills him. End of story." Stefan I hate you for making me quote all that. Stabby stabby kill kill.
Down in the dungeon, Bonnie and Jeremy watch as Amara strains against her bonds. Jeremy enters the cell bearing a plate of food and tells Amara to relax. Her eyes go wide as she gets a good look at him. "I know you." Jeremy doesn't think so, but Amara insists. "You're the hunter. I never forget a face. But Silas killed you. You're dead." Jeremy: "I was. I came back." Amara asks how, but Jeremy doesn't answer, so she turns to Bonnie. "It was you, wasn't it? You're a witch." Bonnie is shocked that someone else can see her. As the anchor to the other side, Amara says she can see everything. When Bonnie reaches out to touch her, Amara freaks and begs her not to. It's too late, though. Bonnie realizes she can touch Amara. This gives Bonnie an idea.
Upstairs, Jeremy explains that Amara exists on this side and the Other Side. Damon: "Then she's not crazy-crazy. She's just talking to dead supernatural beings roaming around in our basement." The point is that if Silas won't help them, Jeremy and Bonnie are wondering if Bonnie could be the same thing Amara is -- the anchor. Elena realizes there's a chance and all they need is someone who could do that spell. Damon nearly cries, "Oh please don't say who I think you're going to say." That's right -- Qetsiyah has the biggest interest in keeping Amara from dying while she's still the anchor.
Damon arrives at Q's cabin. She tries to slam the door in his face, but Damon stops her. "You remember Amara, right? Brunette. Brown eyes. I'm surprisingly not in love with her." I know, right? He tells Q that Amara took the cure and wants to die. "And we have her." She's alive for now, but Silas is on his way to kill her, so that he can destroy the other side and they can spend eternity together in the "Great Beyond," which is this week's term for the lower-case other side. Damon makes sure to salt Q's wound and stroke her ego at the same time when he allows that she's right -- the doppelgängers always end up together. "So how does it feel to say 'I told you so'?" Amara says, "Like I want to shoot fireballs at Silas and drown him in acid." Damon grins. "See? That's what I thought! So how would you feel about us making a deal?" Commercial.
When we return to Mossy Manse, Elena asks Stefan if he hasn't heard it's bad luck to kill your doppelgänger. Is that a thing? It sounds like it could be a thing, but it hasn't been a thing on this show, right? Thing or not, Elena wants Stefan to be careful. She's afraid he's risking his life by going after Silas. Stefan doesn't care. He just wants to win. Elena reminds him Revenge Road isn't a good trip. Stefan tells her when he was stuck in the safe, he'd think about past events that made him happy and gave him hope. That's the only thing that kept him from turning off his humanity. Eventually the pain even took those moments from him. He can still feel Silas stabbing him. He can still feel himself drowning. "If I don't kill him, I'm going to lose my mind or I'm going to turn off my humanity or both." We cut back to...
Q's Cabin. Damon presents Q with his pitch. Swap the anchor to Bonnie. Amara says, "I'd be making a ghost a human toll both between our side and the Other Side, giving her the power to interact with our physical world and supernatural purgatory." Damon asks, "So what's the problem?" Q: "I need a massive amount of power to do a transfer spell like that. [...] I need something to draw on." It's not a full moon and there are no worthy comets. Damon encourages Amara to think hard. "I have a girlfriend at home who misses her best friend and a wacky stow-away on suicide watch. It's ridiculous." Amara beams. "Doppelgängers." Damon snaps to attention. Amara explains that they're powerful, mystical and naturally recurring. Damon sounds like a salesman closing the deal. "You want doppelgänger blood? I've got doppelgängers coming out of my ears. How many do you want?" We cut to...
Whitmore College. Since Katherine is chowing down on chips, Nadia says, "You hate junk food. You call it toxic poison." Katherine lies that she's decided to "live a little." She really wants to leave, but Nadia doesn't like that mama has been avoiding her and she can't figure it out, since they shared a moment. She felt the bond, but then there was nothing. "You abandoned me all over again." Katherine corrects her daughter. She never abandoned her. Katherine's father, who thought she was a shameful slut (maybe he could see the future), ripped the baby from her arms. "Second of all, it's been 500 years. Do we really have to do this whole mother-daughter bonding thing?" Oh Kiki, you're being brave and freezing out Nadia, so she won't have to lose you. I think you and your daughter are now my official endgame for this show. Caroline interrupts. Katherine and her doppelgänger blood are needed elsewhere. Nadia says, "We're not done." Katherine: "Oh yes we are." We cut to...
Mossy Manse. Q mocks Damon for living with two doppelgängers who are destined to end up together. "I swear there's a sitcom in there, somewhere." You're trying too hard, Show. Damon leads Q-Tessa down to Amara's cell. Wait. No. Upstairs, Damon is the one who tells her, "This way," but when the cell door opens, Amara looks up to see Q and Elena. Why the host/hostess switcheroo? As soon as Q gets an eyeful of her former handmaiden, she dismisses Elena, enters the cell and shuts the door. She menaces Amara and demands an apology. Finally, Amara says she's sorry. She tells Q that she's suffered every moment. She has learned her lesson. Q has won. "Now please kill me. Please. Please." Q says, "Don't worry. When I make someone else the anchor, I will." Elena's listening outside the cell. Q blahs about how after swapping the anchor, she'll kill Amara, and then she and Silas will spend eternity apart. Do they have whole dialogue chunks they just copy and paste, from script to script?
Katherine enters Mossy Manse and announces, "The cute one's here." Caroline tells Q, "She's all yours," and leaves the bitch to face off with the witch. Katherine doesn't care about Bonnie, or the Other Side or anything Elena wanted, ever. When Silas sucked the cure out of her, she started aging faster than normal. "You made the cure. Now make something that stops the aging. Otherwise? No blood for you." I don't have to acknowledge that Soup Nazi reference, do I? Q says once the swap is done, she'll find something to stop Katherine from dying. Then looking down the hall, she says, "Now where's Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum?" We cut to a...
Candlelit Study. I guess. It feels like we're getting a whole lot more of Mossy Manse, this year. I need a floor plan. Katherine, Amara and Elena stand on one side of an occasional table, like the cute little doppelgänger hat trick they are. Q approaches from the other side (I just realized that's a less than innocuous description on this show, so let me be clear -- Q approaches from the other side of the table) and lays a book upon it. Amara asks what it is. Elena says it's Bonnie's grimoire. Apparently, serving as the supernatural tollbooth and ogling Jeremy every time he died didn't give Amara enough time to learn the ways of the moderns, at least not to the extent Q and Silas have. She's all, "Grim... ?" and Katherine is pleased to condescend to her ancient ancestor. "It's a magic spell book. Idiot." Q says it will serve as a talisman that stands in Bonnie's stead.
The witch tells the Ninas, "Hands in, palms up." She slices open Amara's palm first. When the old girl gasps, Q sounds a little too sincere when she says, "I'm sorry, love. Did that hurt?" Amara assures her she's been through worse, and lets her blood drip on the grimoire. When Katherine extends her hand, she warns Q to be careful. "I'm fragile these days." Kiki ends up grabbing the blade and drawing her hand down it. She grunts and also spills her blood upon Bonnie's open book. Finally, it is Elena's turn. And it's nice, for once, to see her not be the damsel -- the weakest in the room. She's sort of Katherine-y as she endures a rather strong puncture delivered by Q. And no, Elena can't help but smirk at Katherine, but if you were in her shoes, could you? While Elena bleeds onto the pages with a smile on her face, Katherine chides her as a "Show off." This might be Elena's best day, ever. Q has no time for cat fights. She begins to chant. The drops of blood form a line and draw a mystical symbol. Bonnie appears between Elena and Amara and watches her ancestor chant to change her destiny. The candles are extinguished. One of the Ninas asks if the spell is done. Q says it isn't. The lights blow. A window opens. They girls are under attack from Silas. Q figures it out, first. She orders him to show himself, but the bastard magics us right into a commercial break.
Damon enters with a flashlight and reports the lights are out throughout the house. He's the first to notice Crazypants is missing. Elena looks around and realizes someone else is missing. "Where's the other crazy?"
That would be Q and she's carrying an enormous candelabra into the library, where she finds Silas. He's looking for Amara. They bicker about her not being able to let go. Silas mocks her loveless existence as they magic objects at each other. When he manages to mojo a fireplace poker into her chest, he really rubs in the fact that she's spent 2000 years on him, when the universe has always known he belonged with someone else. When Q says she loved him, he tells her to get in line. They're interrupted by a call from Stefan. He tells Silas that he has Amara. "Just be on the property line. You have 10 minutes to come find us." Silas is too busy throwing down with Q, and has no interest in saving Amara's life. Stefan says, "I know that, which is why I'm going to take her away. I'm going to keep her alive by any means possible, while everyone else hunts you down like an animal. You now have nine minutes." I love badass Stefan.
Meanwhile, back at the Manse Caroline finds Katherine tending to her wound, which won't stop bleeding. Caroline bites into her wrist and offers Katherine some blood. "Here. Heal." Katherine takes a big sip, but she chokes on it and spits it out. It's another side-effect of taking the cure. "Apparently the universe doesn't want me to heal from vampire blood. Stupid universe." I say that once a day, Kiki. Kiki yells, "Find me that damn witch, so she can finish that spell." As if on cue, Elena finds Q with the poker still sticking out of her chest. Q wants to rest in peace. Elena says, "It's a flesh wound. Get up." She drags Q-Tessa to her feet and pulls out the poker. "You're not done yet."
Outside, Amara is gagged and tied to a tree when Silas finds her. He unties her hands first, and then takes off the gag. She grabs his face in her hands and says, "I loved you. I still do. But I can't live any longer. Please understand." The lovers nearly kiss, but don't. Finally Silas pulls his head back a little and says, "I understand. I love you." When Amara smiles and nods, Silas takes out a knife and holds it to her throat. She closes her eyes in anticipation. It takes him some time to find his courage. It's only after Amara pleads with him and assures him she's ready that he cuts into her flesh. He closes his eyes as if to muster up the strength to continue. That's his big mistake. Stefan Stealth Salvatores out of nowhere, throttles Silas, pushes him against a tree, disarms him and asks, "Do you remember me?" When Silas can only choke out a groan, Stefan says, "I remember you." Thanks for the Sarah McLachlan earworm, Stefan. You're evoking memories from the Buffyverse more than you even mean to.
After the break, Stefan is taking his fool time taunting Silas as he throttles him. Finally, Silas whammies him with a mystical migraine. Silly Stefan -- don't taunt happy fun evil immortal dead living original not-pire witch. Stefan falls to the ground in pain. Silas mojos him some more and taunts him right back. "I hear every emotion is heightened for a vampire. All those memories must be eating you alive right now, Stefan. What's it like to die? I've never done it. You must have done it -- what -- a thousand times over the summer." Stefan tells Silas to stop it. Silas says, "Stop? I spent 2,000 years alone in a tomb. You were locked up for what -- three months? Look at you. You're a mess. The safe was the easy part, wasn't it? Being forgotten about -- that's the real torture, isn't it?" As Amara is in the background, still struggling with the ropes around her torso, Stefan spots Silas's knife on the ground. He grabs it and throws it square into Silas's chest. The witch gasps and slumps to the ground. Amara screams his name and runs to him. It's too late. He's dead.
Amara grabs at her stomach and screams in pain. While she's upset about Silas, something else is happening to her. We cut to the...
Mossy Manse Study. As Q seems to silently pray or chant over the grimoire, Elena watches. They're found by Damon who reports neither Stefan nor Amara are inside. Elena says, "That's because Stefan took her. You have to go find him, before he gets himself killed." Damon says Stefan is just luring away Silas so they can finish the anchor swap. He's sure his brother will be fine. Elena says, "He's hurting." We cut back to the...
Property Line. Stefan falls to the ground. I don't know why. I guess too many memories have an adverse effect on your balance. Huh. Then someone explain falling down drunks to me.
Back in Mossy Manse, Elena tells her currently primary boyfriend, "Damon, he's not thinking clearly. Okay, Silas may have been the one who put him in that safe, but we were supposed to get him out of it. Please, go find him." Damon groans and rolls his eyes. Right now, I bet he wishes it was he and Elena who had broken up, while their doppelgängers Ian and Nina had stayed together. When Elena adds, "We can't lose him, again," Damon relents. As he walks out, Q finally starts chanting aloud.
Back at the property line Amara kneels beside Silas. She pulls the knife out of his chest, caresses his dead cheek and says, "Our eternity starts now." Yes, I know the closed-captioning reads "journey" rather than "eternity." I've been telling you for years, the closed-captioners are lying liars who lie. Amara takes the knife in both hands and stretches her hands out in front of her. She gasps and shoves the knife into her gut, just as Damon arrives on the scene. He yells, "No," zoops to her side and pulls out the knife. He bites open his wrist and forces his blood into her mouth. Amara coughs and gags, much like Katherine did on Caroline's blood, but perhaps a little less violently. Damon lays her down and begs Amara to stay with him. She says, "I've been in hell for 2,000 years." Damon says, "What's another five minutes, huh?" She asks him to let her die. Damon's voice is nearly a grunt as he says, "No. Amara. Come on." It rises when he adds, "Please?" We cut to...
Mossy Manse. Qetsiyah Q Q-Tessa chants some more. We cut to the parlor, where Bonnie wanders up behind Jeremy and tells him she came to say goodbye. "Amara's dying, Jer." Jeremy says, "No. No, that's impossible. Damon..." Bonnie tells him to stop. "We don't have much time."
In the study, Q continues to chant, flips her hand, and flames shoot up from the blood symbol on the grimoire. Out in the woods, Damon is still trying to keep Amara on this side, but I think she's gone. Cut back to the...
Mossy Manse Parlor. Bonnie and Jeremy are standing in front of the grand fireplace. She asks him to tell her the third thing -- the thing she didn't let him say, this morning. Over in the...
Study. The whole left hand side of Bonnie's grimoire is ablaze. I hope someone had the presence of mind to scan it, before this ritual began. Cut back to the...
Parlor. Looking squarely at Bonnie, Jeremy says, "I love you." Bonnie's voice cracks as she says, "I love you, too." Jeremy says he's not ready to let her go. He reaches out to touch her cheek and… he can. He can feel her face in his hand. She can feel his hand on her face. She raises her own hand to his; they can't believe they can feel each other. They only stop marveling, when Elena calls out Bonnie's name. Bonnie turns to see Elena and Caroline who can see her right back. They rush to her and the three friends embrace. It worked. I don't know how. Talk about TV magic. Caroline immediately starts in with, "And we can be roommates, because we have an extra bed and we can clear out half the closet." Simultaneously, Bonnie and Elena says, "Caroline." She laughs and cries and jumps for joy. The girls embrace again. Bonnie whispers, "I'm here. I'm back." Commercial.
Bonnie and Jeremy are standing before the fire. She's stretching out her hands and basking in the warmth. "I never felt warm on the other side." Jeremy takes her hand and says, "I missed this -- holding your hand." He pulls her to him and says he'll never again let her go. They kiss. We cut to the...
Library. Katherine finds Q and tells her she's ready. "Let's do this." Q says, "You. Right. You want me to stop the aging? I'd find a drug store cream." Katherine fake laughs and encourages the witch to "spell away." Q says, "Altering someone's life span is what started this whole mess in the first place. I've learned my lesson. I'm not saving your life. [...] I won. Amara's gone. And Silas is waiting for me on the other side." Katherine approaches her new frenemy and looks down. At Q's feet is a pool of blood, littered with broken glass. Q lets the last few suicidal shards drop from her hands to the floor. Katherine rounds on her. "No. No!" Q drops to the floor. Katherine crouches to her and screams for help, but no one in this house full of vampiric-hearers hears her. Katherine tells Q, "Don't die. I need you." Q's eyes are already at half-mast when she says, "True love prevails -- the universe be damned." Katherine screams, "No!" We cut to the...
Parlor. Bonnie is standing alone in front of the fire when a smiling Q approaches her from behind, and says, "You're the anchor, now." Bonnie's smile fades. "Tessa. Where did you just come from?" Q says, "I'm dead. As I pass through you, you'll feel my death. You'll feel every death. Every supernatural being that passes over to the other side will pass through you. Sorry. That's gonna hurt like a bitch." She lays a hand on Bonnie's shoulder and disappears. Bonnie contorts as she screams. We cut to a...
Sidebar. I don't know how things will end this season, but given this new information about Bonnie, here's how they should end: Bonnie should die and in doing so, destroy this torturous Other Side. Let's stick a pin in this, because we won't know for about 15 more episodes, right? Over at the...
Property Line. Stefan, shovel in hand, is standing over Mr. Shallow-Grave Stylus Shadow-Self Silas -- like you do -- when you've vanquished your once immortal, but finally mortal enemy. Elena arrives on the scene. "So, he's dead. It's over?" Stefan says it is. Elena wants to know if killing Silas will help Stefan be okay, now. Elena, I love you, I really do. I don't even get why people hate you (although I dearly get why they grow weary of you at times). The thing is, maybe you backing the hell off of Stefan and letting him heal is the thing that will make him okay. Maybe you can't cause a wound and then wander by thrice daily, rip off the scab and still expect quick healing. Give a brother some room. Stefan is nicer than I am, but only slightly. "Why is this so important to you?" Elena says she knows how much Silas stole from Stefan. Stefan says, "Yeah, and he's dead." And I have to start a new paragraph, not because this is a smooth place to do so, but because I know I'm going to have THINGS to say.
Elena says, "And because while you were suffering in that safe, grasping onto hope, fighting every second so that you wouldn't lose your humanity, I was happy." Okay, stop right there, Missy. What the fuck? And I'm sorry for that, but you people know me. I'll work a little blue here and there. I'll let slip a damn or a shit or a bitch. Hell doesn't even count, because with the kinds of shows I cover, Hell just might be a location shoot. But when do I use the f-bomb in recaps? Have I used it even a dozen times in the past five years? Maybe, but I don't think so. I should do some sort of bastardized Rae Dawn Chong Challenge, and make you find all my uses of the F word, but if you complied, I'd cringe and send editorial some tortured email asking them to correct them all to frick, so let's spare ourselves. It doesn't sound right coming out of me. Some people swear with aplomb. It's an art form for them. For them, cursing is like Yo-Yo Ma on the cello or Baryshnikov in tights. It just works. When I do it, it reads like the geeky girl, still in braces and headgear, trying to talk like a tough chick. What was I even talking about? (P.S. my inner geek wants you to know that while I had braces, they were off by the time I was 13 and I never needed headgear.)
Oh Elena. Elena. Elena whom I just said I loved. Recapping this spiel of hers makes me want to stake her. So hard. I don't think she's terrible for loving both brothers. I think their situation is tragic. But since when did our Lady of Compassion morph into some creature whose Christening the Tact Fairy refused to attend? Right, so, she's telling Stefan, while you were dying a thousand deaths (literally), I was having the time of my life, shagging your brother. Really, it was so awesome. Here. You know what? I can't even make her sound worse when I parody her. Let's pass the mic back to our girl.
Elena says, "I got everything I wanted, Stefan. I got to be in love. I got the summer of my dreams. I got Bonnie back. So I need to know that this worked. I need to know that it's going to take away all of your suffering. I need to know that you're going to be okay." When my daughter was in about second grade, she had a shirt (or jeans -- we can't remember -- so I'm going with shirt) that read, "Blah blah blah your needs." I want that shirt back. I want it back so I can mail it to Elena, possibly with a bouquet of a dozen dead roses, because what the fuckity fuck? Do the writers want her to be unlikable? I mean, I get it. I get that she's feeling guilty for having a great summer, while she didn't realize either Stefan or Bonnie were missing/dead. But can't she think of a better way to convey her concern and guilt? Gah. No wonder the haters hate. I'm not there yet, because I'm doing that thing fans do where, when we really love a character, we start blaming his or her actions on the writers rather than the character. The thing is, I know that's false. I know that's rationalization. I know it's phony. I know I've got to stop. Give me a reason to stop, Show. Let me put it in words from a series you're so keen to mimic this season: "Give me something to sing about."
Broody Baby, er… I mean Stefan is right there with me. "I wanted it to be you. When that safe opened and somebody found me, I wanted it to be you." Elena looks uncomfortable as she swallows, then takes a short breath. Stefan looks over her shoulder and says, "I wanted it to be both of you." Elena turns to find Damon. She gives him a regretful look then turns back to Stefan. We cut to...
Whitmore College. Caroline is in the dorm room -- you know, a few hours away from where she was just an hour or so before when Katherine finds her. Caroline says now that Bonnie's back, Kiki's gotta hit the road, Jack. Caroline thanks Kiki for helping them with the anchor swap. Katherine doesn't want to hear it. "Enough. I killed you once. Don't forget. We still hate each other, okay?" Caroline smiles. "Yes you did and yes we do." Katherine clucks her tongue, and then realizes she can't find her bag. Nadia arrives at the door with it slung over her shoulder. "Already packed." Katherine says, "You again." Nadia says she's heading back to Prague. She'd like Katherine to go with her. "We can go to Bulgaria and retrace our lives." Katherine says Nadia's ideas are nothing more than fantasy. "I would rather rip my heart out than do more mother-daughter bonding with you. And I'm human now, so it wouldn't really be that easy." Caroline turns from the scene, but can't help but peek over her shoulder. Katherine closes with, "I don't want to know you." Caroline can't contain herself. Looking over her shoulder she says, "Mother-daughter? She's your... Oh. Wow." She turns away, again. Katherine tells Nadia she's doing her a favor. "I can't be there for you, so take a good look, because you are never going to see me again." She grabs the bag off her daughter's shoulder and leaves. Caroline turns to see Nadia, who keeps her eyes averted in an effort to fight back her tears.
As Stefan buries Silas, he flashes back on the same horrors he's been flashing back on, all episode. Interspersed with that are Elena's questions: is Stefan all right now; is it over? There's drowning. There are impossible bubbles. Is it over? Stefan's pace grows frenetic. He falls on his ass, gasping for breath and says, "No. It's over. It's supposed to be over." I don't even know what that is? Is it a psychological reaction, or is it really bad luck to kill your doppelgänger? Is it bad luck to bury him? Is Stefan just going crazy? What? What? The title card tells me no secrets.
I'll be back with coverage of "Dead Man On Campus." In the meantime, please grade the episode at the top of the page, and then come on over to the forum, where Jeremy and Bonnie are sitting in a tree.