Episode Report Card Pamie: D | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Changes
By Pamie | Season 3 | Episode 6 | Aired on 11.28.1999
I wake up just in time to see Billy giving the closing statements in the Most Boring Court Case. Billy says that he understands why everyone protested to get her fired. He also says that it is sexual harassment. Even beautiful women should be protected by sexual harassment laws. Celebrities can be smart. Pretty girls can be smart. Younger women can fall in love with older men. Bulldog is staring at Billy thinking, "That's kind of how I want my hair." Billy makes his entire case on, "Don't hate her because she's beautiful." Right. Has anyone seen Kelly LeBrock lately? Didn't think so. Bulldog steps up to explain that the boss shouldn't be allowed to sue the employees for talking about them. He invites everyone to stand up and vomit. He says these laws were designed to keep secretaries from being groped by their bosses and not for women to keep people from talking bad about them behind their backs. "Enough is enough!" Bulldog shouts, and I want him to raise his fists in the air and shout, "Fair is fair!" but he doesn't.
Georgia finds her office door locked and starts locking her own jaw as Richard tells her it's nothing personal. He says he hired her because he knew she was good and he'd expect her to try and take files. It's a compliment. Ling says that she can't believe that Georgia's going to quit. She looks like she might cry for a second but then asks Richard if she can have her office. Richard is too busy chiseling Georgia's name off the door. Georgia huffs that she doesn't know why Ling and Richard broke up since they're perfect for each other. Richard tells her to hold on. He says that if things don't work out at Renee's firm, and she thinks she can just come crawling back and work for him...then she's right. They'd take her back in a second. This starts Georgia's waterworks, and she flounces off wailing. "Nice, Richard, you made her cry," Ling says. Ally is putting on lipstick in the Unisex as Georgia comes in to compose herself. I can only assume that Georgia continues crying because she sees Ally in some sort of tiny pajama top. Poor girl. Her hallucinations are getting so bad she's forgetting to dress herself in the morning. Georgia says she likes it here and Ally tells her not to quit. "I have to," Georgia says, "I can't work with that pig-ass bastard." "Billy?" Ally actually asks, as if maybe Georgia was referring to Ally herself. Billy's new assistant walks in and Georgia yells at her to leave. New assistant says she has to pee. "Hold it!" Georgia screams, and I worry about her skin cracking. Ally continues putting on lipstick as she tells Georgia that maybe she shouldn't quit her job to save her marriage. Georgia says maybe she should just leave him. Ally starts a barrage of "No's" that don't sound as funny as when Billy Crystal does them. "This is a bump," she explains, and says that every marriage has bumps. Georgia asks if she can ask Ally a question. Ally fellates her lipstick and says she can. Georgia asks if she could move ahead on Ally's father. Ally says no way and that her dad is just another "pig-ass bastard" that Georgia is to stay away from. Hey, Dave. Thanks for taking my suggestions. You can drop the "pig" part, though. I'd have much more fun calling Billy an "ass bastard." Ally says that her parents are happily married and that he only kissed Georgia because it was anonymous and he certainly wouldn't have kissed her if he got to know her. Georgia looks offended as Ally says that didn't come out right. She says that people change and asks John for confirmation when he walks in. He screams that no, people don't change, and that "people are what they are. They don't change. That's a big conspiracy perpetrated by the fashion designers to sell more clothes." He bangs his head against the stall door as the stutter starts and says that people don't change -- only clothes. He storms back out of the stall muttering about people leaving remnants in his bowl. Ally and the rest of the viewing audience look disgusted.
Yeah! The decision in the case! Yeah! The end of the courtroom plot. I do the happy dance as the head juror guy keeps reading out all of the charges in the case until the judge interrupts and tells him to just say the verdict. Thank you. They find in favor of the defendant. Bulldog is happy. Farrah shows us her hair is nicer than Whipper's. Where is Whipper, anyway? I assume she's in the wings, writing down ideas for her plastic surgeon. Billy says that he's sorry Mrs. Jones didn't win, but he admires her for sticking to her "buns." Duh. "Guns," he says with a smirk, and of course, Mrs. Jones just laughs, and laughs, because aren't pigs just so cute? There's no case anymore, and she doesn't have a job and just lost a buttload of money in this case but "Tra-la-la, Blonde Boy noticed my ass." "Pig talk," she coos at him. She says she almost believed his closing argument. He says he meant it and that he's sorry he underestimated her. She thanks him and then GIVES HIM A KISS on the cheek. Okay, let me get this straight. He pigs out to her. She hates him. He gives a speech that she may be pretty but that doesn't mean she might not be smart and suddenly she's all goopy on him? What. Ever. Mrs. Jones turns around to the (now suddenly empty) courtroom to give Billy one last lingering look as the oboe plays its melancholy song. She gives this head-back, teeth smile that looks just like Joey Lauren Adams and walks out. Billy smiles at the closing door thinking, "I'm gonna nail that woman."