Episode Report Card M. Giant: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Ill Bill
By M. Giant | Season 3 | Episode 19 | Aired on 04.19.2004
Commercials. Whose idea was it to make that "There she goes again" ditty the theme song for birth control medication? That just seems to come off a little judgmental, if you ask me.
7:37:30. Saunders shows off his sideburns, Ill Bill looks clueless, the Brothers Palmer stare at the Cabinet, and the van that picked up Chappelle's body is parked somewhere nondescript. Saunders gets a call from Shotgun, who has confirmed the identity of Chappelle's body by matching fingerprints. That's the second time this hour Saunders has seen the need to block ruses that it never even occurred to CTU to try. Always two steps ahead, that guy. Too bad they're mincing ones. Saunders tells his assistant, Fauxbayashi (tm silentbob), that Chappelle is dead, but CTU is still going to be trying to figure out what he was working on, and someone named "Lennox" should not let Spawnders out of his sight for one second. Fauxbayashi makes the call, and we see the man on the other end of the line (can you use that expression when it's a cell phone call? Discuss) observing Spawnders leaving for work in a late-model SUV. Sure, she's getting $10,000 a month from Dad, but she needs to work to have a little "walking around money." We only see the lower part of the other man's face in profile, which will be handy later when the show tries a little misdirection. Spawnders's watcher pulls out onto the road and falls in behind his charge.
7:38:35. Back in the Cabinet meeting, the most evil-looking of Palmer's secretaries observes that they've started down a slippery slope. Palmer interrupts and tells him to cut the euphemisms. That wasn't a euphemism, Palmer. It was a metaphor. Worst president ever. Palmer points out that he's aware of the moral ambiguity of his decision, but he did it to buy more time to find Saunders and delay the deaths of millions. "I did it for their future. Not mine." His SaundersPhone rings before he can pontificate further, thank God. Palmer blandly tells the United States Cabinet, "I have to take this." It's good to see that just because Palmer is dealing with a terrorist, he's not being rude to his administration. He steps outside the conference room to talk to Saunders. After Saunders mentions that he's confirmed Chappelle's identity, Palmer says that Saunders's identity has also been confirmed. He tries to drop a little threat of his own in there, but Saunders doesn't seem too intimidated. Could be because Palmer sucks at threats. Palmer asks what Saunders wants, and Saunders starts in about how he wants to make America clean again. The world hates America, he says, and zzzzzzzzzzzzz…I'm sorry, this motivation is so hackneyed and boring that I can only hope it's a front. Let's skip ahead to the demands. Saunders wants the names of every covert foreign national working for the United States in the Middle East and Asia sent to him via a website called Sylvia Imports Dot Com. I went there to enter in names like "Ben Dover" and "Xavier Onassis," but it didn't work. Palmer has 45 minutes to comply, or Saunders will preempt Late Night with Conan O'Brien with his own wedding video. Okay, not really. I'm just so tired of typing "release the V-I-R-U-S" all the time. I'm too new at this to be so jaded. Saunders disconnects.