Episode Report Card M. Giant: B+ | 2 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT I'm Ready For My Hinky-Ass Close-Up!
By M. Giant | Season 5 | Episode 5 | Aired on 07.03.2005
Over breakfast, David gets all excited when he hears that Keith had a dream about Anthony the night before, until he hears the actual dream: "He kept putting blankets on top of me. Each one weighed like a ton. My ribs felt like they were gonna break and I couldn't breathe." Gosh, I wish I knew something about dream analysis so I could interpret that. Is he sure they were blankets and not anvils? "Well, at least he made an impression," David says hopefully. Keith gets up to answer the ringing phone. "Guess who's pregnant!" sings Mary on the other end of the line. Keith relays the news to David, who reacts ambivalently. Mary babbles on about how she thought she was just late, but she's been craving carne asada. "And you know what that means. Well, maybe you don't, but I do." Keith covers the phone and asks, "Should I tell her we're happy?" If you have to ask… But David says he guesses so. Mary agrees, because "At the very least, I can start having sex with my husband again. He will be so fucking happy YAAAY!" It's actually kind of jarring to hear her curse. She rings off, pleading diarrhea, which is apparently also a good sign. Keith tries to ask her something else -- like maybe, "Did you actually take an actual pregnancy test?" -- but she's already gone. "Wow," David says nervously, as if he knows the half of it. "We're gonna be dads!" Keith says happily. David wants to know what this means in regard to Anthony. Keith says someone else will find him, and they don't have enough experience to take on two kids right now. David doesn't disagree, but as he tries to look happy it's clearly for Keith's sake. Wow, he sure got attached to that kid in a hurry. I discourage my wife from going into pet stores for the same reason.
Claire's back up in her lair -- the Claire, I'm thinking of calling it, although that still needs some work typographically -- when her cell phone rings again. This time the display reads "Private Caller." Which is why it's strange when the person on the other end of the line turns out to be Ma Chenowith, the least private person ever. She wants to meet with Claire to discuss "a serious problem with Billy." Claire nervously agrees, and seems to regret it almost instantly. Just wait until later, Claire.
Speaking of discussing serious problems, Rico's in the school principal's office with the other kid's mom and, naturally, the school principal. He says he wants to apologize for Julio. "Your wife wasn't very apologetic," the other mom says, and Rico apologizes for Vanessa too. He explains that he and Vanessa are separated, which makes it a difficult time for Julio. The principal says he understands. But Rico can't leave well enough alone; he goes on to say that Vanessa has been on antidepressants, and she was dating a "total pothead." Even the other mom is looking a little shocked at Rico's verbal diarrhea, until Rico says he's arranged for Julio to apologize to the other kid the next morning before school. The other mom happily accepts, and the principal wishes for more fathers like Rico. Rico says that maybe being a funeral director is what makes him better at dealing with people than his wife is. "Well, my almost ex-wife," he remarks to other mom, who's looking at him like she can't wait for the vacancy to open up officially. Rico leans in to his freaky-ass close-up and asks the principal if he thinks the impending divorce is triggering Julio's misbehavior. "I suppose it's possible," the principal says doubtfully. "Thank you for being honest with me," Rico says. "You know, there are some other things that have been going on as well." Oh, Rico. There's just not enough shut up in the world for you.