Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT At Least I'll Be Alive
By Jacob Clifton | Season 2 | Episode 4 | Aired on 07.05.2011
Random: "Aria, as it turns out Mike hasn't been playing basketball with us for months."
Jason: "Hey, Aria. I couldn't help notice you staring at my total hotness."
Aria: "I don't know where my brother is. Probably writing punk songs about how our mom is a bitch."
Jason: "Or maybe he's freaking out and spacing on all his memories, like when I was in high school and a member of a family even more fucked up with the Cavanaughs."
Aria: "That happens in Rosewood a lot, that amnesia thing. Other places not so much."
Jason: "By the way, I always had a crush on you."
Aria: "You bought my pretentious high school attempts to be fascinating?"
Jason: "Wholeheartedly. You should dye your hair pink again. It made clear you are an easy target."
Aria: "On the one hand, you are Rosewood's new Boo Radley and might have people buried in your yard who may be alive or dead and I have spent the last one thousand months nonstop talking about Ezra Fitz and zero other stuff. On the other hand, you have no shirt on."
SWIMMING
Samara: "Hey, I was just chilling with your mom and she told me you got into Danby and I thought, you know, that I could come visit you all the time at college."
Emily: "Oh dear."
Samara: "You don't want to go to Danby? Or, just to leap to bizarre conclusions, you don't want me to visit you at college because you suddenly want a lesbian divorce."
Emily: "Neither of those things. It turns out that I am running a recruitment scam."
Samara: "That's pretty nuts, you."
Pam: (Totally amazing.)
Emily introduces Samara to her mom, who figures out after a second who Samara is and is super sweet about it, eventually overextending to the point that she invites Samara over for some dinner/Skype with Mr. Fields about Emily's many achievements.
Emily: "Just don't wear trousers or talk about being a registered voter. Last time my girlfriend pulled that shit, my mother had her murdered by Christians."
Samara: "At least this way if your natural Emilyness screws up everything and you tell them you forged the letter, your mom won't get angry, because I'll be there."
Emily: "That's a whole lotta If, little lady."
HASTINGS
Spencer's parents are still MIA, and she sarcastically reads their note on the door -- whence? -- about how she needs to take care of her sister and not seduce any boyfriends or steal any rings or accuse any murderers or anything until they get back.