Episode Report Card Aaron: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Free at last, free at last, thank God almighty, he is free at last!
By Aaron | Season 6 | Episode 3 | Aired on 01.18.2003
And here's that visit now. In a shot ripped straight from every movie ever made about prison by a first-year film student, we see Norma's face reflected in the glass beside Rebadow's as they talk on the little phones. Incidentally, how is it that Alvarez -- a repeatedly violent offender who's spent more time in Psych and solitary than anywhere else -- gets to meet with his mom in an open and empty lunchroom, while a ninety-five-year-old weakling like Rebadow has to talk to an unwed mother with a grandpa fetish through six inches of safety-glass? If you're going to fuck with continuity merely to justify a clever shot, can we at least make sure it's actually a clever shot next time? Thanks. Anyway, Norma wants Rebadoze to try and convince Busmalis to come meet with zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Wha? Oh. Sorry. I must have Rebadozed off there for a minute. When I come back, Busmalis is in the common area, telling Rebadow that he hates to "play solitaire alone." I immediately reach for the Valium, so as to return myself to a state of drug-induced slumber. And you people wonder why these recaps take so long. Because I really can't be bothered to care about any of this, I'll just say that Rebadow tries to convince Busmalis to see Norma by pointing out that he still has twelve years left on his sentence, and he shouldn't have to spend all that time alone. I shouldn't have to spend that time listening to Rebadow talk about the way Patti makes his penis do things it hasn't done for the last thirty-eight years, but you don't hear me complaining. Except you just did. And do you see how I cleverly worked in those hoary old recap clichés of pretending to fall asleep and then also saying that I wasn't going to complain about something while actually complaining about it? Yeah. That's about the level of original writing we get in these scenes. Not to mention the fact that they go on and on and on and on and on and on and on. ["Hurry it up, you Hoosier bastard! I could hang a dozen men while you're screwing around." -- Carl Panzram (hanged at Leavenworth, September 5, 1930)] So, if I have to suffer, you do too.
But don't forget that Patti says, "If you read, you will succeed!"
Later, Rebadow is pushing the book cart through Unit B when Cutler tosses a worn paperback copy of Of Human Bondage at his feet. Oh, please tell me they're not actually going to go there. I mean, hasn't the "that's not really what it's about joke" been done like eight billion times before already? Why not just do knock-knock jokes? Hmm. Let's see. Knock, knock. Who's there? Orange. Orange, who? Orange you glad you're not a prag? Bwa ha ha ha ha ha! Hee! Heh! Ho! I'm so funny. Not. On the other hand, having someone say, "Who wears short shorts? Robson wears short shorts!" would actually have been pretty damn funny, because there he is, decked out in hot pants, red lipstick, and pearl earrings. One assumes they're saving the matching pearl necklace for an episode where they need some extra grittiness. In any case, Rebadow recommends Macbeth as a suitable replacement, and I breathe a hearty sigh of relief that he at least didn't try to pimp Hill's memoirs on us again.