Episode Report Card Gustave: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Simon, Portrait of a Teenage Prostitute
By Gustave | Season 7 | Episode 2 | Aired on 09.22.2002
Simon admires his new clothes and jewelry in the mirror of his bedroom while Ruthie spies on him. Now, Ruthie may look all wet behind the ears, but she knows when a Camden family member is selling his ass. She interrogates him about the bling-bling. Simon claims that he's spent some birthday money because he wants to "look nice." Ruthie reminds him how much he hates to part with a buck and therefore must have way more than birthday money. She's also noticed that he's out of the house during most evenings and suspects that something foul is up. "If you need my help, let me know," says Ruthie, exiting. Robbie enters. "She's onto you!" he whispers frantically, wrestling Simon homoerotically into the safety of their bedroom. Simon doesn't see a problem with his business. Plus, he's only seeing one repeat client…plus Cecilia…and this cheerleader whose parents have made her break up with her boyfriend, and a bunch of other girls. Robbie is alarmed by how many customers Simon has. Simon claims to be the "perfect date," because he's a good dancer and a good bowler. Uh, since when did a date end badly because your date bowled under one hundred? "You're not just a date, Simon," says Robbie. "You're an escort!" Okay, I just have to ask what the writers are getting at this week. I mean, we all know that "escorting" can be a euphemism for prostitution. But if Simon isn't literally having sex for money, why is "escorting" such a crime against nature if it really is just escorting?
While Simon and Robbie debate the pros and cons of not having sex for money, Ruthie returns and listens at the door just in time to hear Simon say, "I'm not selling sex," and Robbie say, "You're one step away from it." Speaking of selling sex, Kevin enters in his form-fitting policeman's uniform and busts Ruthie for eavesdropping. Simon and Robbie open the door, wanting to know how much Ruthie heard. Ruthie plays dumb, and Kevin tells Robbie that he should move into the garage so that Kevin can live Ruthie's old room and thus be closer to Lucy. Robbie doesn't want to live in the garage. Simon takes Ruthie out of there so he can drive her to school. Robbie exits for class. "We'll talk tonight," says Kevin, giving off stalky vibes like Ray Liotta in Unlawful Entry.
Back at the church, RevCam is being confronted by a church elder…or someone who could be a regular character, for all I know. He wants to know what RevCam was doing out on "the street" in his pajamas this morning. He also wants know why Mary drove off so fast and why RevCam said something about kissing her. Okay, back up here. If RevCam is molesting his oldest daughter and bragging about it to the entire neighborhood, wouldn't this be a complaint that would kind of overshadow Mary's driving fast and the public wearing of pajamas? I mean, what's next? "RevCam, you're raping your children and you're not sorting your recycling properly." Apparently, according to church elder guy, the parishioners want to know why the Cam children are allowed to do things which reflect badly on the church -- like Mary dating "an older gentleman," Lucy living with her fiancée, and Ruthie baby-sitting for the monkey. Jeez, hasn't anyone on this show ever heard the stereotype about preachers' kids or even that song by Dusty Springfield? I mean, I was always under the impression that if you were a preacher and your children weren't acting in porn films or serving time in a federal prison, you were a pretty good parent. RevCam nervously tries to explain away all of the gossip before he exits to go get an address off his desk. I'm guessing that was Alan Fudge.