Episode Report Card Alex Richmond: F | 2 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Bygones
By Alex Richmond | Season 5 | Episode 21 | Aired on 05.19.2002
Did we ever see the outside of The Bar before? It's not really on the street. It's back in an alleyway. She steps out, and poof, the ghost of Billy is there. Woo, Billyghost! He's got his dark hair (bye bye, Bleach-head), is wearing a nice suit, and is smiling. He asks if Ally's okay. She stammers for a bit, then says yes, but not really, because otherwise he wouldn't be there. And how is he? He says that living without him is one thing, but "living without them?" She explains that her daughter needs to move, and you gotta do what you gotta do: "That's an Ally McBealism." Whatever. Then she asks if Billy's "seeing anyone up there." Wow, how ridiculous. What a concept: Dating in heaven. I mean, he was MARRIED to Georgia on earth. But this raises some interesting questions. I wonder how sex works in heaven. Like you know in that great movie with Albert Brooks and Meryl Streep, you can eat all the food you want and never get fat? They could have done it, if he hadn't been such a chicken. So, do you get to have sex with whomever you wanted to on earth, or do you get a specter-version of your partner to tide you over until they die, too? Like, what if you're really a big ho and go to heaven -- can you bone all the angels you want, or is that not allowed? Can you experiment? Do they have vibrators in heaven? I could go on, but Billyghost smiles and says he's "not supposed to give out inside information." Boo. Ally says "it's been working out," meaning her life. And she summoned Billyghost because...maybe because she needed to say goodbye to him, too. He steps closer and asks that she "never forget." She says, "And don't you." Then, they kiss. Oh, ew. She's kissing a vision of a ghost. Is this closure? He says, "All of my heart." She says, "Forever and ever." Then, the wind goes, "Whooooo," and Billyghost fades into the ether. How truly lame.
Then, the incomplete and partially reunited cast gather 'round for Ally's final goodbyes. It's a little like when Dorothy went back to Kansas, but crappy. Ally says that this is sad, and Nelle snarks that her "dam's about to break." Ally calls Nelle "the biggest fraud [Ally's] ever met," and that her heart is big and Ally's going to miss her. They hug. Nelle has tears on her cheeks. We get some reaction shots of everyone else whimpering and crying. Ally approaches Georgia and says, "Don't be a stranger." Georgia and I say at the same time, like they were this year? Exactly. Hug. Tears. Reaction shots. Fish's turn. What would he say? What he does: "Bygones." Hug. Tears. Reaction shots. Elaine's up. She's sobbing. Ally says, "You know how I feel about you." Well, now's the time to say it! But, all we get is a hug and some tears. Renee is next, crying like a pro but with a huge smile on her face. She says, "Like you said, we'll be forced to make an effort now." Um, yeah, but, remember? Canceled? Oh, whatever. Hug, tears, blah blah blah reaction shotcakes. Go, violin, go! Now, it's John's turn. Oh god, Ally actually says the line from The Wizard of Oz, about missing the scarecrow most of all. He actually dabs his eyes with his tail. I mean, "tie."