Episode Report Card Alex Richmond: F | 2 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Bygones
By Alex Richmond | Season 5 | Episode 21 | Aired on 05.19.2002
John and Ally have a quiet moment in which I and everyone else watching barfs; then he says he has a gift. I yell out, "DIAMONDS." Again, I am not heeded. He pulls out of his pocket a necklace a "friend" designed. It's made from metal from the World Trade Center. That is not a nice gift. In fact, it's sick. But John says he thinks "it's fitting, since [Ally]...." He trails off, letting the sentence go unfinished. Because Ally, like the twin towers of the World Trade Center, is finished and is never coming back? Because they're both great American tragedies that were awful and yet no one will ever forget? What a horrible metaphor -- and it isn't even completed! God, David E. Kelley sucks. Now more than ever. Ally says that the necklace is beautiful. John says he's sure she'll look beautiful in it, and I heave again. It isn't beautiful. It's a shard of metal with some stupid beads. Remember when dorks were making Berlin Wall jewelry? That was stupid, too. It's CONCRETE. I mean, out of context, it's an ugly material. Jewelry should have a decorative function, and be beautiful -- not be symbolic of a disaster or a moment in history. Ally puts the necklace on and smiles. John says he was right. She ahems and looks uncomfortable. He laughs, and looks like he doesn't know what to do with himself. Then he says there's "probably a party going on downstairs," and that they should join it. Ally agrees, and they walk off together, his arm around her shoulders. Next!
The Bar, again. The begging chords of "My First, My Last, My Everything" start up. Elaine takes a bow to huge applause, and does the spoken intro with a smile, giving a shout-out to Richard and Liza. Everyone claps and "woo"s. Ally and John walk in and smile a little. Elaine shares the stage with Renee, who is in fine voice, too. Then, Vonda steps up and takes a verse. The backup singers really show off their pieces of flair as they hold "my everyyy-thaaaaaaaa-haaaaang!" Then, Barry White rolls out onstage. Wow, he does gigs on a day's notice? What a nice guy. The crowd goes nuts. Nelle takes credit for booking El White. John asks Ally if she's not going to miss this, a little. She's all, I never said I wouldn't miss it. But you never said you would, either. Oh, whatever. Canceled! John and Ally dance. Everyone's out of their seats, clapping and shit. Barry has a giant denim blazer on. It's huge! The singers go, "My everyyy-thaaaaaaaa-haaaaang!" Now, we have the slow-motion circle dance we all saw in the commercials. Why slow-motion? Barry White finishes the song, and everyone claps and "woo"s like crazy. Then, things quiet down and Nelle asks Ally for her office, since it has better light. Ally agrees. Nelle says she knows they've had their differences, but...is there anything she needs to know about the office? Ally says it's lucky. Gee, that would have been a perfect time for them to make out. Oh well. Then, out of the silence, Vonda begins to sing a sad little song -- perfect for a wedding, really. It's about a picture of the boy next door. She loved him, but then he moved away. The pictures in her scrapbook faded. Ally stares at the floor like a lunatic. Nelle asks if Ally's all right. Oh yeah, she's just canceled. I mean, "needs some air." She exits the bar.