Episode Report Card Wing Chun: A | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Pittsburgh
By Wing Chun | Season 2 | Episode 12 | Aired on 10.29.2006
Nancy leaves Silas another message imploring him not to punish Silas for Nancy's mistakes by skipping Shane's graduation. She hangs up, and turns around to see that Celia's materialized in her great room. Nancy starts, and Celia says she's glad she scared her: "I hope you peed in your panties." Nancy tries to dismiss Celia, but she means business, demanding, "Where is he?" Nancy doesn't know whom Celia means, and Celia sarcastically says that's right -- it could be the one who called her a drunk at the middle school, or the one who's been stealing city property. Nancy plays dumb, so Celia produces the tape as her smoking gun. Nancy takes it and smashes it on the floor with the heel of her espadrille, saying she doesn't know what Celia's talking about. So Celia then pulls an actual gun out of her bag. It is, of course, at this moment that Shane appears, though he doesn't get far into the great room before the sight of Celia's firepower stops him dead, eyes wide. Nancy asks where the gun came from, and Celia says she borrowed it from Pam. Well, of course. She fires a test shot at Nancy's cupboard door, freaks out at how exciting that was, and then says she only had the one bullet; she was going to shoot Doug. She cheerily leaves the gun on the counter and says she'll see them at graduation. Once she's flounced out, Nancy empties the pistol and asks if Shane is okay. "This never would have happened in Pittsburgh," says Shane. Maybe in Philadelphia, though.
Heylia's. She's invited Conrad over to give him a "last meal," since she heard Conrad was possibly going to "meet [his] maker" today. Vaneeta tells him about Nancy trying to sell the harvest to Heylia, and Conrad mopes that he'd told her not to. Heylia drawls that no one listens to him. She asks whether Peter's coming after Conrad -- which I thought she already knew -- but anyway, Conrad confirms it. Heylia asks whether Conrad wants to die today. He does not. "Eat your fucking waffles," advises Heylia. Apparently they're made with magic flour. Dean should keep some around his place!
Shane gives his speech at graduation. He starts with a long introduction to every possible kind of adult there, from parents to boyfriends and girlfriends of parents to friends of your parents you call aunt and uncle who actually aren't. And now, to the actual speech: "YOU HAVE FAILED US ALL!" As Shane says that "everything is not okay," Gretchen looks out at the crowd and glares at Kat, flirting in Andy's lap. Yeah, I guess with a girl like that, you can't assume that just because you see her with another guy, she doesn't still have designs on yours. "We are alienated! Desensitized!" Doug and Dean glare at one another. "Angry!" Celia sneers at Doug, who catches her eye and immediately looks away. "And frightened!" Dean and Celia exchange an uncomfortable look. Shane: "If you think of Agrestic as an airplane -- a grand, soaring jet carrying us through the sky, I think you all need to understand: there are motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane." Class of 2006: "WOOOOOOOO!" Nancy smiles ruefully, and Andy, cackling, bounces Kat up and down in his lap. Principal Dodge leaps up, reminds Shane that they'd told him not to use profanity, and gives him his diploma, saying that he's junior high's problem now. Class of 2006: "LET HIM SPEAK! LET HIM SPEAK!" Isabelle: "Motherfucking let him motherfucking speak!" The Hodeses are taken aback. Well, that's showbiz; next, she'll be photographed going into a Huskeroos party without her underpants. Dodge threatens to call off graduation. In the crowd, Nancy chuckles at the riot the event has become, glancing toward the side of the yard...where she sees Peter lurking, watching her. Nancy's face falls, as Shane meta-ly tells the gathered parents that they moved to Agrestic to be safe, but that their children are not safe. WE GET IT, JENJI. Nancy tells Andy she has to go, asking him to make her excuses to Shane and saying she'll see them later, at the house. As she walks up the aisle, Shane asks Nancy, into the mic, where she's going, but she just looks back sadly and goes to her earth-friendly car.