Episode Report Card Wing Chun: A | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Pittsburgh
By Wing Chun | Season 2 | Episode 12 | Aired on 10.29.2006
Peter's still sitting in his truck when a pretty young woman comes to his window, smiling and motioning for him to put his window down. He does, and her smile abruptly changes to a snarl as she reaches in and unlocks his door. Instantly, Peter has company in the form of two Armenian dudes in tracksuits, both pulling guns on him. They get into the truck cab, pushing him to the middle (it's a sandwich, and Agent Wonder Bread, incongruously, is the meat!), and the one in the shotgun seat announces, "Keshisyan says goodbye." The other guy starts the truck and pulls it into a nearby garage as a guy on the soundtrack sings, "Motherfucker die. I wanna see you cry." An excited dog runs in beside the truck just as the garage door closes; we can barely hear as the barks turn to snarls. Smell you later, Peter. When you get to the other side, say hi to Andy's toes.
U-Turn comes back to the kitchen, catching them up on his flush. Nancy says that Marvin already told them, and then whines that her kid is graduating, so could they speed this up? She wants to see the money. U-Turn says that she won't see the money until he sees the weed, so Conrad asks Marvin to help him move the butcher-block cover off the kitchen island and goes to open the safe. Nancy stops him, though, saying that he won't see the weed until she sees the money. "You're almost right about that," says U-Turn, going for his briefcase...but it's not full of money; it's full of automatic weapons, which he and Marvin train on Nancy and Conrad. Nancy, losing her breath, asks where the money is, but U-Turn tells her there isn't any: "I'm a fucking criminal!" Nancy says he's a great one, to be sure, but U-Turn is no longer "tickled" by her antics, and he and Marvin cock their guns. Conrad asks what they're thinking; apparently, it's that Conrad and Nancy don't have an army. Nancy finally seems to be grasping the gravity of the situation...
...when in stroll the Armenian guys, also carrying weapons, asking for the money. There's a general hubbub as the various gun-toting factions react to one another's presence, and then the lead Armenian -- the one who relayed Keshisyan's message to Peter -- demands his money. Nancy's totally lost, so the guy exposits that the "Negro lady" told them if they killed Peter, Conrad would pay them. "He's dead?" breathes Nancy. It's not entirely unambiguous, but it appears as though Conrad knew this was going to happen; this is what Nancy misses, not getting invited to brunch at Heylia's. Anyway, Armenio asks Conrad again for the money, and Conrad grits that they ran into a little problem there, in that U-Turn and Marvin decided to jack them instead. Armenio is momentarily derailed by this, but bounces back, shrugging that he and his crew will just take the weed instead. U-Turn does not consent. Armenio waves him off -- did he kill any federal agents? U-Turn says he'll kill everyone, and Armenio scoffs that they all have guns, they could all kill each other, but then no one will get anything. Nancy, still trying to get a handle on the situation, quietly asks again, "He's dead? Peter?" "YES," screams everyone else in the room, in unison. Nancy squeals that there's a lot of data flying around. U-Turn orders, "Open the fucking safe!" "You gotta pee again?" asks Marvin. Heh. Armenio: "Open the fucking safe!" Finally, Conrad has to hiss at Nancy to open the fucking safe, which she finally does. She and Conrad pull back the lids, but when she looks in, she doesn't like what she sees: "Not today..." The camera pushes in to show that the safe is empty...but for a lone DRUG FREE ZONE sign. Oh hell no. Nancy, when you find this kid, you need to rip his fucking balls off. That's not cute. All the men with guns are unimpressed by the hilarious prank, but Nancy begs to make a call. The five guns in the room trained right on her, she excitedly whispers, "It's ringing!"