Episode Report Card Cindy McLennan: A | 649 USERS: A YOU GRADE IT Double Your Pleasure
By Cindy McLennan | Season 6 | Episode 1 | Aired on 2010.02.02
Hey, everybody -- welcome back! Can you believe it? The wait between seasons felt nearly as endless as the mysteries posed by what has to be one of the most batshit insane television programs we'll ever see. Now we're not only back, but we're on the home-stretch. No other series has ever made me feel that it has both dragged on so long, and rushed by so quickly. Since I've always experienced two realities when it comes to Lost, it feels fitting to me that these dual realities are now canon, but I'm getting ahead of myself so let's get right to it. You ready? Okay.
Previously on Lost. Ahahahahahahahah. Right. Wait. You want me to...? Oh, okay, but only because you're so nice. Once upon a time, old Four Toes was part of a larger statue of Tawaret, but that was a long time ago, indeed. More recently (like oh say, the mid-to-late 19th century, just as H.M.S. Black Rock appeared over the horizon), the statue ruins seem to have been serving as base camp for Jacob (Mark Pellegrino: Lucifer on Supernatural), who not only exists, but wears a white tunic, and has a male companion/nemesis, who dresses all in black. I like to call him Esau, because he really hates Jacob. He also seems to hate people in general, kind of like the TWoP moderators. I mean, listen to him: "They come; they fight; they destroy; they corrupt. It always ends the same." Eerily similar, no? Anyhow, Jacob is more of an optimist. "It only ends once. Anything that happens before that is just progress." Even more recently, Faux-Locke (Esau wearing a Locke meatsuit) tells Ben Linus that he (Ben) is going to kill Jacob. When Ben confronts him inside the statue's base, Jacob tells Ben he has a choice. Ben chooses to go all stabby stabby kill kill right in Jacob's chest. Jacob falls to the ground and with his last breath whispers, "They're coming," and then Faux-Locke kicks his dying form right into the fire. Elsewhere, Daniel and Jack formulate what I've come to call "The Jack Daniels" plan: detonate the Jughead hydrogen bomb at the construction site upon which the Swan hatch will be built. The point, and there is one, is to stop the Dharma Initiative from drilling into the ground and tapping into a hot pocket of energy -- the same energy that Desmond et al kept in check by typing the numbers into a computer terminal. Daniel figures if they blow up the pocket before it's ever tapped into, there will be no incident, which means Oceanic 815 will never crash on Craphole Island. But then Daniel is killed by his own mother who is pregnant with him, so Sayid tries to help Jack get the bomb from Dharmaville out to the Swan site. Roger Linus shoots Sayid along the way. After much argument (and Jack/Sawyer fisticuffs), the gang (Dying-Sayid, Jack, Kate, Sawyer, Juliet, Hurley, Jin, and Miles) gets the job done. The only problem is, when Jack throws the bomb down the shaft, it doesn't explode. But then Juliet gets dragged down into the shaft by the deadly combination of electro-magnetism and chains, and cannot escape, despite Sawyer's efforts (which mostly consist of crying and yelling) to save her. In the end, she picks up a big rock and smashes the hell out of the bomb and KABOOM, everything fades to white -- even the title card. Dun.