Episode Report Card Heathen: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Longer You Stay
By Heathen | Season 8 | Episode 2 | Aired on 10.03.2001
Chen urgently calls for Carter, begging him to handle a toe laceration behind Curtain Two. "I'm off," he demurs. She complains that the guy has waited five hours for a fifteen-minute treatment, and that she desperately needs the bed for other patients. Carter tells her to give it to Malucci, but he won't be in for another hour, "Cleo's stuck with a pulmonary edema, I'm babysitting four ICU players, we're down two nurses, and the rack is overflowing," Chen babbles. Carter's eyes still have a twinkle of defiance, but it's waning. Finally, Carter snatches the chart and agrees to handle just one easy patient. Starting off down the hall, he spins around again and asks, "What room?" Chen is already gone. Suddenly, a graceful, high arc of urine cascades from the crotch of Haleh's rude drunk and onto Carter's elbow. The Urinator lets loose a relieved, angelic smile as Carter slowly turns around, realizes whence the wetness has come, and convulses with horror. Finally, we're at the credits.
Toe Boy is a heavy metal-lovin' dude and concert roadie with an extremely disgusting foot wound. Carter prods it gingerly, then unwraps the makeshift bandage. Toe Boy explains that he and his pal Metalhead were unloading the volcano when they accidentally dropped it. Metalhead exposits that the concert ends with a major lava explosion. Carter takes one look at the crusty crimson toe and decides this is more than a flesh wound. "No kidding, the damn thing almost sliced my toe off!" dudes Toe Boy. "Yeah, it was just hanging there like...a big noodle, or something," Metalhead grins. Carter is pissed. He didn't come here to deal with a complicated patient who has a floppy noodle toe. He barks to Chuny that he'll need to wait for X-ray to be ready and perform a two-layer repair job on this laceration, which will take more than an hour. He tosses his gloves in irritation. "You signed up for it," Chuny snorts. Metalhead urges him to hurry up so that they can catch the end of the concert. "We're roadies for Touching Wood," they explain. Chuny brightens. "All right! What's the name of that song?" In unison, Toe Boy and Metalhead yell, "Rapture Bitch!" And the B-side is probably something like "Blue Crotch Pumpkin" or "The Hair Skank Overture." Carter is having none of this banter, muttering that he's numbing the toe's nerves and preparing to flush it. Metalhead faints as Carter jams a long needle into Toe Boy's damaged digit; when Chuny checks his vitals, she realizes Metalhead's not breathing.
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