Episode Report Card Erin: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Box, Part I
By Erin | Season 1 | Episode 12 | Aired on 01.19.2002
After another establishing shot of the city at night, we're back in The Land Of The Will-age Idiot. Will-age is all excited because he's going to go interview some corrupt developer. "So," says Jennie, "No more McNeil?" "Nope," says Will-age. "Hm," says Jennie. "Interesting." She walks off, leaving Will-age Idiot to wonder if her sarcastic tone means he won't be engaging in any future inappropriate non-business-related skin sessions with her. My guess is NO. Will-age glances at the crumpled manila envelope in his garbage can and goes off to his interview.
Office Of Agent Psychological Well-Being. Hey, it's Nancy from thirtysomething! Or should I say, hey, it's Ken Olin's wife! Would you like another Amstel Light with that nepotism, Ms. Rouge? Why, I don't mind if I do! Actually, I dig Patricia Wettig. I hated her long-suffering character, Nancy, but she's a damn fine actress. Too bad she's in this episode for all of five minutes. Commander Stupid greets the good Dr. Nancy, and she takes a seat in a chair opposite the sofa. Oh, goody. She's not going to pull that "I'm going to sit behind my desk and act all superior while you grovel opposite me in a chair that's three sizes too small for you" act. I hate that. Commander Stupid informs her that, while he has nothing against shrinks (like we care), he thinks that this impromptu session may be a waste of time. And once again, for those of us in the audience who've been too busy constructing scale models of Hearst Castle out of toothpicks to PAY ATTENTION TO THE LAST ELEVEN EPISODES, Vaughn repeats the entire history of his father's death and SpyMomsky's involvement. Vaughn wraps it up by saying he doesn't need crisis management. After Dr. Nancy jerks herself awake, she tells Vaughn that she'll keep their discussion confidential. What she really wants to talk to him about is his relationship with Sydney. "How often do you meet with Sydney?" she asks. "Couple times a week," he says. "Three or four sometimes." Dude. That's more than I see the guy I'm casually sleeping with. And you're not even getting any mighty fine lovin' outta this. Face it. You want to kiss her, you want to lurve her, you want to marry her…
Sorry. Just went to Miss Congeniality in my mind there for a second.
"Only about operations?" asks Dr. Nancy, cutting to the chase. "Uh, we have met on occasion," Vaughn hems and haws, "when Sydney wanted to talk to me about what was happening within SD-6…or regarding her father, when she believed he was a KGB, and not her mother…oh, and the time we met to discuss Elizabethan poetry…yeah, and that time she asked me over to fix her radiator and then I got there and, like, she had central heating, which, you know, I thought was kinda weird and all, but, like, I thought maybe she was just confused because, um…" Dude. Quit with the high school floundering here. You dig her the most. Own up to it. Dr. Nancy says as much when she asks Vaughn if he and Sydney have a friendship. Vaughn flails and says that Sydney needs someone to talk to, and that he's the only one in whom she can confide. "So, you feel that your relationship with Ms. Bristow is fully appropriate?" says Dr. Nancy. "That it falls within the guidelines of 'agent' and 'handler'?" "What're you asking me?" says Vaughn. Dr. Nancy's all, I've received some reports about your behavior. Vaughn's all, reports from whom? Dr. Nancy's all, remember the incident in Tuscany where you sent in an extraction team to protect Sydney? Vaughn's all argumentative and making up excuses. "Did you purchase a Christmas present for Agent Bristow?" D'oh! Vaughn looks around the room for some answer that won't make him look like a Sydney-stalking fool. Unfortunately, all he can come up with is some scattered statement about being unaware of the regulations preventing officers from observing, with their co-workers, such a widely recognized holiday such as Christmas. Nice try, Double-O-Nothing (tm flipflop). Dr. Nancy wants to know what the gift was. It was actually a pretty lame picture frame, if you must know. Vaughn wants to know who's been reporting him. Dr. Nancy can't tell him that. "Then I'm just gonna have to guess," spits Vaughn. He's about as threatening as the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man.