Episode Report Card Erin: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Box, Part I
By Erin | Season 1 | Episode 12 | Aired on 01.19.2002
Before Vaughn can give Agent Sean an answer, Joey Slotnick enters and acts like he's been on this show since the pilot. He's all, hey, what a day, huh? And you can immediately tell that he's a total backstabbing weasel. How does Joey Slotnick do that? He just enters the room and you already know he's slime. Both Vaughn and Agent Sean get these snarly looks on their faces. "Come on," says The Weasel. "Bristow's mom, your dad? It's not like a secret around here. Vaughn, that really sucks." "Well put," says Agent Sean, suggesting that it's anything but. The Weasel goes on to suggest that Barnett, the CIA psychologist, is going to be good for Vaughn. "I'm not seeing Barnett," says First Officer Forehead. "Oh, yeah ya are," says The Weasel. "She wants to see ya. I mean, come on! You're Bristow's handler, you find out her mom killed your dad? She's a shrink! She lives for crisis management. I think she'll be good for ya." First Officer Forehead just stares at him. "I like thick crust," concludes The Weasel, "in case you wanted me to come." "Oh, hey, we don't!" snarks Agent Sean. More Agent Sean! More Agent Sean!
Back in The Elevator Of Stalled Plot Lines, Sydney's moderately distressed that she still can't get a cell phone signal. Dude, that's not because there's some sort of disaster; you're in an elevator! I don't think there's a single cell phone anywhere that can get a signal in an elevator. Even super-secret-special spy cell phones can't get a signal in an elevator. ["Mine does. It plays the Knight Rider theme, too. Neener neener." -- Sars] As Spy Daddy wonders if someone's jamming the frequencies, the elevator starts moving again. Spy Daddy states that the elevator is resuming service because of the emergency lockdown procedures and will be returning to the SD-6 offices, where the doors will automatically open. Sydney opens her mouth slightly, indicating fear, panic, or an immediate need for more oxygen. Outside the elevator, a Spiky-Haired FLC approaches with his weapon cocked. (Hee. "Cocked.") The "ding" sounds for the elevator as the SH FLC stands, ready to kill whatever unfortunate occupants may be inside.
Oooh, I wonder if they'll make it out alive? The suspense is SO not killing me right now. Time for another Amstel Light and a reality check.
Ding. The doors open, and Spiky-Haired FLC takes aim and shoots Spy Daddy and Spy Barbie dead! End scene! Yeah, right. They're both safely on top of the elevator. SH FLC declares that the elevator is secure. Spy Daddy and Syd travel through the elevator shaft and make it back down to the area where Dead Security Guard #3 lies. They quickly move past him into Laser Show Hallway. Spy Daddy turns off the grid by pressing his thumb to a pad. "The advantages of high-level clearance," he says. Dude. You didn't need to say that. I think we all could have surmised that you have high-level clearance after the whole thumb thingy. Way to wrongly assume that your audience is a bunch of idiots, Alias writers.