Episode Report Card Kim: B | 101 USERS: B- YOU GRADE IT The "Stars" Go Dancing
By Kim | Season 11 | Episode 1 | Aired on 2010.09.20
So they're doing the cha cha to "Mama Told Me Not to Come," and Bristol does not seem to get the double meaning at all. Ugh. Gross. Isn't she supposed to be promoting abstinence? Does that include masturbation? I've gone too far down this line of thought. She starts out in a suit, and quickly rips it off to reveal the dress beneath. And...she's pretty terrible. I do actually admire her courage. I think it was a bad idea to go on the show, but once you agree to it, you've got to go balls out, and she pretty much does. And parts of the routine aren't so bad. She can shake her bum and shimmy her shoulders. She just doesn't always commit to the moves and it looks awkward. She's like that girl on your dance troupe who likes hanging out with the other girls and is nice to everyone, but you always put her in the back row because she's a beat behind and doesn't quite seem to understand the choreography. And now she's got a solo. She's not a performer. Len thinks it was good for week one, and she just needs to loosen up a bit. Bruno praises some of her technique and tells her to work on the performance. Carrie Ann admits that she thought Bristol would be boring, but she showed flashes of really great moves. And that's true. She wasn't boring like some of the models have been. Scores: Carrie Ann 6, Len 6, and Bruno 6 for a total of 18. Fair, maybe a little generous.
Hey, you know who finally made it on the show after trying to be on forever? Florence Henderson! And she's paired with my least favorite pro of all time, Corky Ballas. Corky immediately asks her how she feels about being cheeky on the dance floor. Gross. Not because I mind old people being sexy, but because I like when they just dance and I hate Corky's idea of "humor." And I also hate the "oooh, snap that old lady said something dirty" idea of humor.
Ugh. This whole thing is gross. She's very stiff, and the routine is super slow. And it's obviously supposed to be funny, based on the mugging, but I don't get what's funny about it. I wish Corky would just let her dance. Bruno tells her that she's still got it, but she looked insecure about her technique. Carrie Ann says that Florence was obviously enjoying herself, but also feels that she needs to work on technique. Len thought it was entertaining, and he praises Corky. Don't encourage him, Len. I hope she's done. I don't know if I can watch another week of that mess. Scores: Carrie Ann 6, Len 6, and Bruno 6. I thought it was worse than that, obviously.