Episode Report Card Demian: C- | 2 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Charmed Again, Part The First
By Demian | Season 4 | Episode 1 | Aired on 10.03.2001
Upstairs in the Bridal Boudoir, Piper sits at her dressing table, intently brushing the same bit of her hair over and over and over again. Enter the Dolt, who tells her it's time for them to head to the service. Piper, still brushing, refuses to rise from her chair. Why? Choosing her words with deliberate care, she states, "If I go, it means Prue's really not coming back. And I don't think I can handle that." The Dolt, kneeling at her side, tells her they "can handle it together." Piper tries to maintain control of her shaky voice as she lays it all out for him: "She's been there my whole life. I've always had a big sister, and don't know how to live without one." The Dolt gently strokes her shoulder, but she flinches away from his touch. Atta girl. "Why didn't you save her?" she demands. The Dolt reminds her that he tried. "Then why didn't They let you save her?" "The Elders?" he asks. "They don't have that kind of power." No, Dolt. Repeat after me: "Alyssa had Shannen fired, so Prue had to die." See how easy that is? And how this scene has no purpose other than to remind us -- as if we needed reminding -- that Holly Marie Combs, in the words of Owen, "act[s] crop circles around everyone else on this show"? The Dolt doesn't listen to me, instead telling Piper, "It's okay to be angry." "I'm not angry," she growls, rising and storming to the bedside table to grab a tissue. "I. Am. Pissed. Off. Don't you understand?" she continues. "You healed the wrong sister. You saved me because I am your wife and you should have saved her because she was the best. Because she was...because you should..." And here she breaks down. Poor Piper. Still with the self-esteem issues. Can we all see what her character arc is going to be for the rest of the season? Good. The Dolt moves to her side and draws her into a hug, and call me a bastard, but all this hugging is starting to annoy. "Why did They put us through so much for it to end this way?" she sobs. The Dolt, for once, wisely keeps his mouth shut.
Cut to Hell. Literally -- we're in Hell, people. A black-cowled figure blazes his way into the cavern. Literally -- a sheet of flame creates his outline, from which he himself emerges. The shot cuts to a smoky outline reclining on some sort of altar. "May I be seen?" purrs the smoke. "Have you found Belthazor?" asks the guy in the robe. "No," comes the response from off-screen. "Something else." The guy in the robe wags a claw at the smoke, and the smoke flares into a bint. I would call her a slut, but I wasted that slur on the tertiary demon who killed herself in the pre-credits sequence of "Coyote Piper." So this scantily-clad tramp gets to be the Smoked Bint, and she's going to like it. Dammit. She's wearing a sequined bikini top that barely covers the very tips of her breasts, and some sarong-like sequined miniskirt that barely covers her unmentionables, as she strokes a crystal ball in a manner that suggests the ball is far better acquainted with said unmentionables than I ever would want to be. She's kinky trash, people. Anyway, continuing with her earlier line about finding something other than Belthazor, she avers that what she's seen is "more important than Belthazor." The guy in the robe doesn't like hearing that. "Nothing's more important," he insists. "Not even the Charmed Ones?" asks the Smoked Bint. The guy in the robe reminds her that they're dead. "Not all of them," she reminds the guy in the robe. The guy in the robe reminds her that "one gone" is sufficient, then bitches her out for failing to predict that the Dolt would save Phoebe and Cole from Hell. No, we never saw the Bint last season, and we never saw the rescue on-screen, and the chances are we never will. Just go with the demonic exposition. By the way, I think by now we've all realized the guy in the robe is The Source, so let's call a spade a spade from here on out.