Episode Report Card Lady Lola: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT 99 Problems, But a Book Ain't One
By Lady Lola | Season 4 | Episode 5 | Aired on 11.12.2009
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.Danny, the new cast member (a.k.a. Broadway heartthrob Cheyenne Jackson) shows up at TGS sans silver paint and throws everyone for a loop. We'll start with he who is closest to our hearts: Kenneth. In light of Danny's recent upgrade from street performer to primetime show regular, he reminds Jenna and Tracy that anyone can go from nothing to something overnight. He warns them about treating inferiors (read: Kenneth) poorly. This baffles the talent greatly, but they start seeing the signs that their diva behaviors could bite them in the ass and, thus, disengage Kenneth. Their new independence even frees Tracy and Jenna to take on a sideline gig as problem solvers with fancy T-shirts. But Kenneth feels useless and becomes perplexed. Ultimately, he manages to restore the natural order of things through a long and complicated process involving suppressed Canadian accents and waffles in pizza boxes. Full details in the recap.
Meanwhile, Jack tells Lemon the network has plans to turn her Dealbreakers into a talk show. Going on some bad advice from Tracy and Jenna (is there any other kind?), Lemon worries Jack is taking advantage of her and decides to pursue alternate representation. But of course she's Lemon, so the only option available is some just-past-puberty kid in an oversized suit who has just upgraded from representing dogs to repping humans (and monkeys). Lemon forges on with her savvy businesswoman ruse and Jack powers ahead with the Dealbreakers show -- even meeting with Padma Lakshmi -- but Jack has a crisis of conscience when he realizes what an amazing chance Lemon will be missing. She, in turns, realizes that agents are pricks. They drop their little tiff and reunite like old lovers in Rockefeller Center, promising to be partners in business. No, not risky business. Not even monkey business (that's reserved for the kid agent, after all). Just plain old by-the-books, pratfall-laden, cringe-inducing business. With that, it's back to almost-normal.
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Want more? The full recap starts right below!We open in Lemon's office, where she and Jack are discussing NBC's expansion into China, where they have such gems as Prison Breakdance -- a reality competition in which prisoners dance for freedom -- and a janked up copy of Lemon's book: Dealbreaker: The Book for You Man No Good, by Lesbian Yellow-Sour-Fruit. Lemon tells Jack the new cast member starts today and registers some concerns about the fact he is literally an unknown... and a Party Robot. Jack approaches it with his usual coolness.
Kenneth knocks on Lemon's door to excitedly announce the Robot has arrived. He starts to practice the welcome song he wrote for them, which is not unlike any TGIF theme you care to recall: "Makin' a new friend sure ain't easy..." A few moments later Lemon and Jack get to the elevators as Kenneth wraps up his song: "...And that's how two become one!" Jack asks Lemon to dinner, and she accepts. Then they're interrupted by a gaggle of TGS staffers and Tracy speculating about the newbie. The doors open, and they all turn in eager expectation. Alas, it's just Lutz. Cerie looks downcast, thinking this is the new guy. Lutz reminds her that he's worked on the show for three years, and even gave her a car he won. She registers a blank.
Lemon beckons him to the crowd as they wait for the Party Robot to make his clanging, whirring entrance. Instead, a little hottie by the name of Cheyenne Jackson (Broadway geeks unite!) enters the doors. But for our purposes we'll call him "Danny." (His actual name is Jack Baker, but Jack Donaghy vetoes having two Jacks in one building and rechristens him "Danny.") Lemon welcomes "Danny" to TGS and shows him to his dressing room. He's amazed how far he's come up in the world since making $50 a day on the street and suffering memory loss from all the silver paint fumes. He admits he hasn't done much acting -- if you don't count that high school football movie back in Ottawa. Lemon is surprised he's Canadian. Insert your Canuck slang and Boxing Day jokes here.
Lemon starts giving Danny some insider tips, but Kenneth interrupts to serve as the official Welcome Wagon and inquire what Danny would like for lunch, since Kenneth is already heading out for Tracy and Jenna's lunches. Danny says it's no problem and that he'll just get his lunch himself. One step further, he asks if Kenneth needs anything. Kenneth makes a befuddled little whimper, then says, "Yad sdrawkcab tsuj s'ti sseug I, yako" (translation: "Okay, I guess it's just backwards day"), then walks backwards down the corridor. Credits.