Episode Report Card Demian: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Little Monsters
By Demian | Season 6 | Episode 9 | Aired on 11.15.2003
Attic. Raige uses an eyedropper to siphon up some of the yellow ooze from the floorboards. "This better work," she mutters, passing the thing to the Feebs. The Dolt and Big Gay Chris orb in to reveal the ever-useless Elders have agreed that if they can't return Tongue Boy to the Manticores, the Glamorous Ladies will have to vanquish him. "Talk about your moot points," Raige grumbles wearily. Phoebe directs the Dolt's attention to the now-empty enclosure. The Dolt and Big Gay Chris prepare to bang their heads together to come up with another plan, but Phoebe and Raige already have one. They intend to scry for the Manticore's location and orb on over to offer them a deal. Either the monsters agree to work with Phoebe and Raige to vanquish The H of Not!, thereby getting their kid back with Piper returned safely to the Manor, or Phoebe and Raige will blow them all up. Big Chris finds this plan far too risky, but Phoebe and Raige claim they have no other choice. Phoebe dribbles a bit of the yellow ooze onto her crystal and scries for the Manticore's den.
H of Not! Estates. The gentlebeast of the manor winces in pain as Piper dabs a salve on the gaping wound in his hump. Piper notes that he's lucky -- if Raige and Phoebe used the potion she believes they used, The H of Not! should have flown into a million pieces. The H of Not! interrupts the chit-chat to howl in pain. "Show a little spine," Piper chides. "What kind of a demon are you?" "I'm not a demon," he admits, like, duh. We know. Could you move it along, please? "I saw a picture of a man in the bedroom," Piper leads. "Is that why you're helping me?" he retorts. Well, yeah. Piper's a single gal, and your human form is hot, so why the hell not? "You think this is some sort of hideous curse?" he rants. "Well, it's not!" He charges towards the bedroom door to gaze upon Tongue Boy. "Just leave us," he sighs wearily. "'Us'?" she inquires. "You mean, you and your son?" "What happened?" she asks gently, crossing to his side, and hoo boy, here we go with the goddamned exposition again. Isn't this episode over yet? Fuck it. The H of Not! reveals that "Manticores mate with humans to create hybrids so they can blend in [and] hide in plain sight." "They kill their mates after conception," he adds, "but I got away." He also vowed never to allow them to raise his child, and I'm sorry, but number one, how did he know he actually knocked up a Manticore, and number two, how in hell did he knock up a Manticore in the first place? I mean, unless he's got a thing for scaly, flat-chested lizards, I'd assume he'd have had a few performance issues. Whatever. It's never explained, and I'd like to finish this recap before my eighty-seventh birthday, so pay no attention to the yawning plot hole, okay? The "only chance" The H Of Not! had to rescue his son, he explains, was to turn himself into the beast Piper now sees before her. He just started mixing potions, you see, heedless of the effect they might have on him -- all he cared about was regaining custody of his son. Piper gazes at the adorable guest infant mewling on his pillow before softly reminding The H of Not!, "You know they're going to try to take him back." The H of Not! nods his head. "So, let's get you fixed up," Piper offers, "so we can fight them together." The H of Not! gets all verklempt at her kindness.
Lair Of The Manticore. Phoebe and Raige orb into a corner of the cave to find four or five of the pack munching on something that's bloody and raw. Raige clears her throat, and the Manticores immediately leap to their feet to bare their teeth and shriek and such. Phoebe warns them off by brandishing a couple of fists full of vanquishing vials. "So," she too-brightly perks, "who wants to go hunting with us?" The monsters grunt.