Episode Report Card Keckler: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Starfleet and Coffee, Maple Syrup and Damn
By Keckler | Season 2 | Episode 26 | Aired on 05.20.2003
Kronos. Duras the Baggage Handler is given a chance to reclaim his command and his honor by going after Quantum One Last Time. Duras swears he won't fail this time. I'm really surprised they're even giving him a chance -- all the Klingons I know would have excommunicated his insides long ago.
Enterprise. The main cast wonders why Quantum has gathered them all together in the Mess Hall. "[Quantum's] speaking to Admiral Forrest," Hoshi informs Trip. "It's the third time in the last hour." That's because evil people can never confine their thoughts to a single conversation -- they tend babble endlessly. "Maybe it has something to do with the Fe--" Reed says, but stops as Quantum walks in. Dammit! What was he going to say? "Federation"? "Ferengi"? I rewound the scene, and he definitely was starting to say "feh"-something. Quantum announces that there's been an attack on Earth. "What dew yew meen, an...at-tack?" Trip asks. For some reason, this made us all burst out laughing. I think it's because Trip's an idiot. "A probe. They don't know where it came from. It fired a weapon. That cut a swath. Four thousand kilometers long. From Florida to Venezuela. There may have been a million casualties," Quantum says. A "swath"? Hey, do you think this will be one of those times where the news gets around the ship like a game of Telephone? You know what I mean. Each level of the qrew has to pass along the news to their underlings until finally, at the end of the line, people are all, "Okay, something about a Swatch?" The Qrew boggles. "We've been recalled," Quantum adds. "Did they say why?" Trip wonders. Quantum says he didn't ask. Because it's not like that would be pertinent information to get out of the Admiral during those three (nearly four) conversations he's had with him in the last hour. Man, the Admiral really is evil. Failing that, Quantum really is that stupid. May-berry Beret notes that it will take awhile to get back just as the Bridge comms Quantum that the Admiral is on the phone for him. Again. Quantum orders Sexy Mother-Weather to set a course at warp five. I guess going warp five just isn't a big deal anymore. Remember how cool it was in "Fallen Hero" when they almost flew the ship apart at warp five? Sad.
Ready Room. Quantum stands at his Weight Of The World Window and ponders how to work it into the script later on. Trip enters, and shakily asks if Quantum has found out just what part of Florida was hit by the frickin' laser beam minus the sharks. Quantum doesn't turn around at Trip's entrance, and actually still keeps his back to his Engineer when Trip asks about the greater Miami area. This is where my hate for Quantum begins to sprout wings. He knows Trip is from Florida -- I know Trip is from Florida, and I don't even like him. Hell, we ALL know Trip is from Florida -- so Quantum should have immediately grokked the reason for Trip's anxiety, and should have likewise been concerned. All Quantum says is, "No, I'm sorry." See the above as to why I don't believe he's really sorry. That's quadrupled by the fact that nothing in Bakula's delivery even convinces me that he's really sorry, or is even thinking of Trip at all. Trip mutters softly, "She may have been away. Architects take a lot of trips." And it takes that fishing from Trip for Quantum to finally turn around and ask, "Older or younger?" See! He knew! He knew that Trip would have been worried about some member of his family, but for some unfurrowable reason, he didn't bother to ask Forrest on Trip's behalf about the Floridian specifics; nor has he acted comforting toward Trip in the least! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON WITH THIS CHARACTER? Picard, Sisko, Kirk, and Janeway never would have acted with such complete callousness. Yet so many people think Trip and Quantum have such a "special" relationship. To that I say: piffle! "M'baby sister," Trip chokes out. Quantum sighs and shakes his head as Trip talks about how protective he was of her when they were kids. "Maybe she was away," Quantum says. He delivers the line in the weirdest way, and byobkenobi brilliantly pointed out that he flipped the channel away from John Wayne and landed on Nixon there. She's totally right. In breath, head movement, and tone, it was all Tricky Dick just for that moment.
Trip tries to control his emotions as he nods and asks if there is anything more Quantum can tell him. All Quantum says is that the death toll is now at three million. As Trip wonders why someone would do this, T'Pol enters to tell Quantum that a Vulcan transport located the pod in central Asia and brought it back to Starfleet Headquarters. All they learned is that there was a pilot in the pod who was killed on impact. "Who the hell was he -- what species?" Trip demands. T'Pol says no one knows that yet. "Did they say anything about what part of Florida was hit?" Trip asks. T'Pol shakes her head and looks back at Quantum, who explains Trip's reason for worry. Again, it shouldn't need to be explained -- my cats, who don't even know what Florida is, knew that Trip was from there! Reed comms that a passel of Suliban ships are approaching them. "Just what we need," Quantum moans. "Tactical alert." He grabs Trip slightly on the shoulder as he passes by him to leave the room, and that is all we get from him. Do you remember that white patch of hair Bakula used to have? I think when that disappeared, so did his acting chops. If we find the skunk piece, we'll find the real Scott Bakula. Hey, there's a conspiracy theory for you: this isn't really Scott Bakula, it's his evil twin Stewie. You know, Quantum being evil could actually make him way more interesting. He'd be the first featured Starfleet captain to be of the evil ways. It might even explain why we don't seem to hear about him in the future. Sort of like how the Brits don't like to mention King John, and usually only call him Prince John.