Episode Report Card Sars: D | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Neverland
By Sars | Season 3 | Episode 18 | Aired on 04.04.2000
Shot of the full moon. Cut to the campground; Pacey tells the kids he talked to their parents, and they said the kids could stay. He adds, "I just want you to know, a ten-year-old with a cell phone is just plain wrong." Yeah, no kidding, although those kids don't look any closer to ten years old than I do; in fact, the one in the middle -- not Buzz or the New-Kids kid -- looks like he's barely graduated from pull-ups. Buzz says that Dawson's going to tell them a story. Heaven help us all. Dawson launches into a campfire tale, which Buzz snottily identifies after maybe five words as the plot of Jurassic Park. Dawson tries again with E.T. and gets shot down by one of the other brats. Lather, Jaws, repeat. The kids demand that Dawson tell them one of his stories. I dump twelve bottles of Maalox into a funnel and brace for the inevitable "a boy and a girl, destined to be together" bushwa, but fortunately Dawson elects instead to tell them a totally not scary story about a guy named Max who lurks in the woods with a bloody axe, and the kids get all freaked out even though no kid who could tie his own shoes would get frightened by anything about the story, unless we count the freakishly large cranium of the person telling it.
Cut, mercifully, to the roller rink. The girls, attired in satiny sleepwear, feather boas, and forties-vintage hairdos and make-up, roll around the rink all holding hands. Fasten your seatbelts -- it's going to be a frumpy night. Barbara Stanwyck, I mean, Andie reminds Bette Davis, I mean, Jen of how she called all guys twits; she says she agrees with Jen, but she thinks "there's more to it than that." Andie talks about "when they give you that certain look, you know, the look that says you are exactly where they want to be right now." Veronica Lake, I mean, Joey smiles wanly as Andie continues in a tone of mock disgust, "And you feel it for them too. And then you just melt, like this big blob of ice cream, even when you don't want to." Jen smiles in recognition too as Andie adds, "Pacey used to do that to me all the time, right before he kissed me. Made my knees weak." Joey blanches. Jen confides that "Henry's got a look like that" -- um, Jen, Henry doesn't have any other look besides that -- and says resignedly, "Does it to me every time." The three of them sail with much dramatic squealing into the side of the rink, but Andie wants to skate more and Jen wants to rest, so Andie grabs Joey's hand and they take off again. Jen watches them go and looks pensive, and over her shoulder we see a group of guys in blue jerseys; then we hear them chanting, "Henry! Henry! Henry!" Jen hears them too, and turns around to see Henry in a party room at the rink, surrounded by jocks and family members and thrashing at a piñata. She rolls over: "Henry?" The chanting stops. A clown snaps a balloon. Henry lifts his blindfold and stares dully at Jen. "Hi," she says uncomfortably. Jocks at a roller-skating party? Did Mr. and Mrs. Parker spike the punch or something? Then Jen and Henry go into Henry's dad's study and start playing with his gun, and Henry accidentally shoots himself in the -- oh, wait, I've gotten this confused with Dead Scott's fatal birthday fete on 90210.