Episode Report Card M. Giant: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Spy vs. Spy
By M. Giant | Season 5 | Episode 14 | Aired on 03.19.2006
Kiefer's cell phone rings, and Theo rather snippily says, "Put it on speakerphone or I'm getting out of this car." Kiefer makes a "be cool" gesture and obeys. My phone has no speaker feature, which is why I'm not a world-saving super-agent. But at least I like to think I'd have the presence of mind to tell Theo, "Leave the keys." Buchanan's voice comes out over Kiefer's phone, telling him to get away from Theo and find a private place to talk. Kiefer says that he can't, what with being in the middle of an operation and all. Hayes grills him as to the status of the WET list and, upon learning that Theo hasn't passed it on, orders Kiefer to get it back. Before Theo can do anything like run away or steal the list, Kiefer draws his gun on him and refuses. Hayes tries again to order Kiefer to get the WET list back, and Kiefer explains why he needed to hand it over in the first place: "If you blow this operation, you will be responsible for every life lost in this next attack." They argue some more, and it goes on approximately forever, and Kiefer's voice is rising, which makes this whole thing seem a lot less sneaky. Hayes says that this isn't their call, and that she needs authorization from the President. "Then get it!" Kiefer snaps. But it's too late, because Curtis comms that Collette's car is circling the parking lot as they speak. Kiefer lays it out for Hayes: "Are you telling me that I have to abort this operation, yes or no?" Hayes angrily gives him the go-ahead, threatening repercussions after this is over. "Fine," Kiefer says, and hangs up, showing all the worry and trepidation at Hayes's threat that you would expect from a guy that the White House once ordered killed. To Theo, Kiefer says, "Are we all right?" "We're fine," Theo calmly assures him. The forum posters agree.
It's 8:46:45 when the ColletteMobile finishes circling the parking lot and parks across the aisle from Theo and Kiefer. Kiefer tells Theo to move the rearview mirror so that Kiefer can see the ColletteMobile from where he is, and instructs, "Now get her out of the car." Without a word, Theo gets out of his car and goes to Collette. She hops out of her car, lets her hair down, and they mack. I just realized that my wife Trash probably wouldn't let me be a world-saving super-agent, speakerphone or no.
Kiefer watches this for just a split-second longer than necessary and gives the order for everyone to move in. He hops out of Theo's car and roars at Collette to put her hands up. Collette, not realizing how screwed she is -- like, how could she miss seeing what car Kiefer got out of? -- tells Theo to get in her car, and it's kind of sweet how she still doesn't get it. And then she realizes that Theo's holding onto her so she can't move. Curtis and the other agents surround them, weapons drawn. Kiefer tells Theo to back away, and Theo mumbles an apology to Collette before complying. "Theo, who are you?" she asks, stricken. If there were any chance of his playing this off at some future date, Kiefer quickly wrecks that by hollering at his men, "Let him go! He's given us what we want!" Collette is safely nabbed as Theo gets in his car and drives away to the strains of what sounds like an amped-up version of "Possession" by Sarah MacLachlan. It's a tad incongruous. Kiefer frisks Collette, taking his sweet time getting her gun from under her skirt. Although he doesn't fish around in there for a backup, at least. Once that's done, Kiefer twists Collette's arm behind her back and demands Bierko's whereabouts. She's not talking, of course, so Kiefer orders her taken back to the staging area in the hangar. He also tells some agents to search her car and bring any finds back to the staging area. It's 8:48:37.