Episode Report Card Erin: A+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Sloane's Dead! Long Live Sloane!
By Erin | Season 3 | Episode 19 | Aired on 04.17.2004
Dix and Marshall show up just then and inform Jack and Syd that the CIA just got intel that the Covenant has kidnapped someone they believe can help them locate The Passenger. Yeah. We know. Grasshoppah. The convoy is heading across western Rajasthan as we speak, and Vaughn and Syd are going to intercept them. Except…the CIA doesn't have the Indian government's cooperation and the airspace is restricted so…Syd and Vaughn are going in "old school." And by "old school" they obviously mean "like Indiana Jones in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade in that part toward the end where he rescues his dad and Marcus from the Nazis and he's on that horse. You know! That part!"
Thar Desert. The Finger Cymbals Of We're Not In The Nevada Desert, Seriously, We're Not! crash across the soundtrack as we catch the convoy navigating across the sand. Incidentally? The actual Thar desert is pretty fucking cool. Because I looked it up. Because I'm weird. Sark's one of the two trucks that appear to make up the convoy. Pardon me if I have it wrong here, but two trucks does not a convoy make. Didn't anyone see Smokey and the Bandit? Whatever. Sark opens up the box that contains the manuscript and congratulates himself on a job well done. I wouldn't get too puffed up, Sarky. Without Mama Reed, your ass would be in a sling right about now.
Elsewhere in the desert, the stunt doubles for Garner and Vartan are riding horses down a dune. They chase after the trucks. Hello? Side view mirrors, anyone? Guess they're too busy popping the champagne and calling their mothers to say, "We did it! Aren't you proud of us?" to pay attention to a couple of horses catching up from behind. We get a close-up of Garner and Vartan as they ride. They get closer to the end truck. Syd climbs up onto the side and, unless the driver's blind, deaf, AND DUMB, he should totally be able to see her right now. And this? Is where alcohol comes in. The direct ratio of alcohol to suspension of disbelief is, of course, relative, but I find that every time I feel the need to go, "WHAT THE?" it's a good idea to throw the nearest alcohol down my throat. Which is what I'm doing now. During this scene. Because I loved every damn minute of this episode and I don't want any nasty "reality" getting in the way. I get enough of that watching Assorama fuck up other people's lives.
Syd makes it into the back of the truck, and the guy who's guarding Grasshoppah goes to shoot at her. Grasshoppah quickly gets rid of the gun and Syd knocks the guard out the back of the truck. "Thank you!" she says to Grasshoppah as she turns to his bindings. Hee. It's a totally girly "thank you" too. Heh. Syd tells Grasshoppah to follow her. Grasshoppah's all, wait, I can't leave without my wheatgrass juice and nag champa incense! Syd climbs out and, at that precise moment, Sark's daydreaming about all the neat stuff he's going to do with The Passenger. His eyes wander over to the side mirror, and FINALLY he sees Vaughn on the horse. He grabs his driver's gun and leans out. Syd makes it onto her horse and reaches out her hand as Grasshoppah exits the back of the truck. Well, this is actually kind of stupid. If I were him, I'd just stop, drop, and roll out into the sand. It wouldn't kill him, the trucks would keep going, and Syd and Vaughn could easily dispatch Sark, who'd be a sitting duck in his moving truck. But, sigh, that's not what happens. Instead, Grasshoppah tries to reach for Syd, Sark shoots him in the chest, he flies out of the truck, and the convoy keeps going.