Episode Report Card Pamie: D | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Boy Next Door
By Pamie | Season 3 | Episode 16 | Aired on 03.26.2000
Elaine bounces in without a bra (your loss, my gain) to announce that there's a problem with the Biscuit. Everyone walks into the main lobby to see John's lower half hanging out of the elevator. He's stuck between floors. The elevator is slammed into his briefcase and his legs are flailing about. Elaine says that the fire department has been called and that they are on their way. "Does this mean I'm gonna have to take the stairs?" Ling pouts. John kicks some more and (unfortunately) narrowly misses Ally's head. And that's hard to do. Richard yells that help is on the way. John asks if someone could perhaps bring him a spritzer. Elaine notices that John's "little socks don't match." While Elaine thinks this is cute, Ally looks appalled, and John begins kicking his legs again. Nelle looks around as if she's extremely uncomfortable and thinks that everyone is now judging her because she dates the flailing legs. Or maybe she has to pee. I don't know. She's a jerky one, that Nelle.
Sandy is picking up folders in Billy's office and putting them in "file places." I like to think that's what she calls them. She's distraught. She asks Billy if there's anything else that she can do. Billy tells her to "take a hike." He continues: "Sandy, I don't know who your Mister Right may be, but the odds of him being an older man just coming off a divorce with a brain tumor?" "I'm not going away," Sandy starts, but Billy interrupts to say he's pushing her away. He literally pushes her away as he says it. "Hey, I might come out of this fine, but, look, if I suddenly go into surgery tomorrow and as they're pulling me down the hospital corridor? I don't see your hand as the one I want to be holding." He walks away from her as she starts crying. "I get it," she says quietly. Billy looks up and Sandy is now completely naked with her hair covering the "important bits" as she says, "You're just trying to spare me pain." Billy drops the books in his hand at the sight of his naked secretary, as if he hasn't seen her naked before. She's clothed again as she asks, "Billy?" "What?" he says back. He says that he's only thinking of himself. Sandy makes a tearful exit.
I had to write all of that down before I got angry about it and wouldn't write any more of it. I can't believe this brain tumor is supposed to excuse Billy's (read: David E. Kelley's) misogynistic behavior this entire season, and that the only thing we have to look forward to as it grows (huh-huh) is full-on frontal nudity and booby-swelling. Billy doesn't have a tumor. He's stuck in an '80s Scott Baio film.