Episode Report Card Pamie: D | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Boy Next Door
By Pamie | Season 3 | Episode 16 | Aired on 03.26.2000
Ally walks into Billy's office as Sandy leaves, but for some reason Ally's clothes stay on, thank Saint Clare. Ally says that the procedure -- "uh...proceeding" -- should be easy enough for her to do on her own. Billy says he doesn't want to be treated like "a patient." Ally reminds him that he's been having hallucinations. He points out that she has hallucinations all the time. "But I know when I'm having them," Ally lies like a big-fat-fatty liar. But without the "fat" part. Billy says he's starting to figure out when he's having them too. He wants to work and knows it's the best thing for him. He says he can do it, and Ally acquiesces. She asks what the doctors have said. He says that the doctors have assured him it's probably benign. She asks if he wants her to go with him. He says that Georgia's going with him. Ally pouts and gets up to leave. She turns back around to baby, "Love you." Billy returns with the, "Love you, too," but it sounds so spiteful. Ally smiles and starts to leave, but Billy stops her and says that he'd love for her to come with him if she doesn't mind. "Sure," she says flippantly, and leaves.
The court case has already started because things move pretty quickly around here. Religious McBadhusband is on the witness stand, saying that he and his Wife hadn't been "intimate" prior to his wedding night. He doesn't believe in premarital sex and neither does his new wife, Angela. Angela, by the way, looks like she just walked off the set of The Howard Stern Show, so I'm already having a hard time buying that. I think it's the purple bustier giving it away. Religious McBadhusband says that he met Angela in church and they bonded over the morals and values that they shared. "Values," he says again, quite loudly, into the microphone. The lawyer asks about his wedding night. "Dear Penthouse," he says (he doesn't, but he might as well), "It was wonderful. We had a bottle of champagne and there was a candle by the bed. She came out of the bathroom wearing a provocative, sheer robe. She let it fall to the floor. She was a goddess. Then she climbed into bed and I, I went to her...I nuzzled into her breasts, which I had been longing to do for over two years, the entire period of our courtship and as I pressed my head into them, that's when I discovered it." "Discovered what?" the lawyer asks. "They were fake. They felt like petrified whoopie cushions. Two big rocks with nipples." "Implants?" the outraged lawyer asks. "Yes. What kind of a Lutheran would do that?" Ally sneaks a peek at Angela's exposed boobies, and Angela fakes some modesty with her cardigan. Okay. Lutheran guy. Never touched or "nuzzled" boobies before in his life. Totally knows fake boobs when he feels them? What. Ever. This guy should be happy he finally got to touch some. And I thought he said his wedding night was "wonderful." He says that as they started talking about it he found out that she'd had her nose done and cheek implants. "And her tummy..." he stops here, as if this is all too much for him. The lawyer asks him to continue. "TUCKED!" he says so forcefully into the microphone that it sounds like he shouted, "FUCKED!" I'm sure it was on purpose. The makeup artists on this show apparently figure that if you over-tweeze someone's eyebrows and give them shimmer under their eyes that it'll make them look like their face is chiseled. This girl ain't got nothing on The Whipper. Religious McBadhusband said that he originally tried to stay together and make things work, but he ultimately married someone whom she said she wasn't. The lawyer asks why he doesn't just want a divorce. Why the annulment? Religious McBadhusband says that he never had a real marriage and he doesn't want to have "baggage." I think he means "payments."