Episode Report Card Manimal: C+ | 303 USERS: C+ YOU GRADE IT Spy Vs. Spy
By Manimal | Season 1 | Episode 3 | Aired on 2001.10.14
Sloane says they have to know what the rest of the code produces, since it's incomplete. They have one half, and the other half resides in the private collection of Eduardo Benegas, a Spanish venture capitalist. You know what? We don't even know what the first half of the code points to, so who cares? And does this relate to the Mueller project, or to something else entirely? I'm not really sure. I was trying to pluck my eyebrows when they were discussing this nonsense. They could save a lot of money by saying, "Hey, Sydney -- this week, why don't you go jump over a lot of self-consciously Byzantine obstacles using neat-o gadgets while wearing some knock-off gowns and Designer Imposters perfume. Sound good?" Bam. There's five minutes saved, easy. Anyway -- Rambaldi sketch. Benegas keeps it in a vault in his private museum. Marshall volunteers that Benegas owns the largest porn collection in Madrid. I bet Marshall knows all kinds of fun, vaguely depressing trivia like that. Everyone looks vaugely horrified. Marshall stammers that he thought it was interesting.
Sloane walks like an Exposition. I mean that literally. He's pacing during the entirety of his speech. He explains that K-Directorate has beaten them to the punch. Apparently, Benegas keeps the key to his preciousss, preciousss Rambaldi sketch on his person at all times, and he's surrounded by deadly bodyguards. This is VO'd over some gross slow-motion humping and Benegas's disturbingly shiny hairdo. Benegas is a gazillionaire and he can't afford an occasional bottle of shampoo? Close-up of a woman's hand with a tattoo as she reaches around Benegas's back -- and I just realized that he bears a disturbing resemblance to Steven Segal, by the by -- and yanks a necklace with a large rectangular pendant off of him. Oh, man. I don't even want to think about how humping incredibly sleazy and unattractive people as part of a spy's duty is going to play into this show. I bet a future episode will feature Sydney having to "make the toughest decision" and Vaughn getting pissy. You heard it here first.