Episode Report Card Erin: B | 1 USERS: A- YOU GRADE IT So many heroes, so little time.
By Erin | Season 1 | Episode 2 | Aired on 2006.10.02
Odessa, Texas. Claire's standing in front of a jockstrap who's talking about big muscles or something. She's pretending to be a vapid cheerleader douchebag. A fellow cheerleader who actually IS a vapid douchebag is vying for the jockstrap's attentions, but Claire's much cuter. Nerdeo ruins the fun when he runs up and asks to talk to Claire for a minute. Claire's cheerleader rival steps up and asks Nerdeo if it's true that he got an erection in the boy's locker room. He just gives her a "Fuck you very much" look and returns to talking to Claire. I like him already. He tries to tell Claire that he urgently needs to talk to her, but she's too busy being popular to deal with him right now. The principal walks up right then as the credits start rolling and tells Claire and her friend that the sheriff wants to have a word with them.
Oh my god, you guys. The credits. The credits just told me that Wendy Melvoin and Lisa Coleman along with Shankar are doing the music for this show. I just saw the credits. How did I miss that before? What do you MEAN you don't know who Wendy and Lisa are? WENDY AND LISA. You know. Prince and the Revolution? Okay, if you don't know who Prince and the Revolution are, I'm going to have to come over there and bitch-slap you with a baboon's ass. And then make you drink a milkshake made of yak droppings and key lime because WENDY AND LISA AND PRINCE AND THE REVOLUTION.
Yes, I'm old. Shut up.
Care for a bit more flashback? Alrighty then. Let's spend a moment with Niki, whose name I spelled "Nikki" during the last recap because IMDb is stupid and drunk and possibly sleeping with someone's husband and totally got the name wrong. Slut. Speaking of sluts, Niki's just waking up in her porn bed, rubbing her sore jaw. She hears her son leave a message on the answering machine, imploring her to come pick him up. She sees the dead guy with the glass in his neck and the other dead guy on the floor. She runs over and grabs the blinking video camera off its tripod and that's when she sees her mirror image (I'm going to start calling her "ikiN" -- thanks, Wing!) across the room, covered in blood and looking fairly pleased with herself. She does the "shhhh" gesture over her lips again, and Niki runs off, thoroughly freaked out. She locks the Garage of Porn and drives off in her flat black Pacer.