Episode Report Card Miss Alli: B | 1 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Lonely Planet Hollywood
By Miss Alli | Season 1 | Episode 4 | Aired on 01.28.2004
Amy is busy being extremely obnoxious on the sidewalk, singing badly about how people should come into the restaurant. That would work approximately never, if it were me and my friends walking by. Just saying. You will be shocked to hear that Heidi is...wiggling. Because that's really all Heidi knows how to do. Lean. Wiggle. Flash boobs. Shake ass. Every time you see her, these are the things she's doing. Not exactly a full plate of transferable skills, there. Kristi gets an update, meanwhile, from the woman in the Planet Hollywood store, who explains that things don't look good on that end at all -- they're doing a crappy job moving the shirts and stuff, compared to last year. Of course, considering that Planet Hollywood merchandise is probably depreciating faster than a used Cadillac at this point, it's not that surprising that, every year, people want it less and less.
Ah, but the bar. The bar is the women's opportunity to shine. Heidi explains that they've decided to focus on alcohol, because it could take her half an hour to sell a t-shirt, but that she can sell the same amount of booze in a short time. Also, she can't capitalize on the fact that people are drunk in order to sell shirts, and she sort of needs every intellectual advantage she can get, if you see my point. Interestingly, the women have decided that a great thing to do would be to drink with the customers, which several business types have since verified in interviews is a terminable offense at any bar that isn't basically pimping out its staff, but...ah, well. Kristi interviews that "Heidi was the all-star queen of selling shots." I guess she found her calling in life. Why is she wasting money working in telecom? ["That just gives the phrase Coyote Ugly a whole new meaning for me." -- Wing Chun] Apparently, it's quite true, as we see Heidi leaning over two guys who have obviously told her that they've had enough. "You guys can drink," she says. "You can handle it. Come on, it's only three shots already." And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why they call her the Walking Lawsuit. She may move a lot of product, but it'll take her a while to make up the increases in your liability insurance premiums. Apparently, however impressive her head for business is, it doesn't occur to her that one priority when you're running a business is to avoid its getting sued into bankruptcy. And seriously, anyone who serves alcohol knows that you don't force drinks on people who are telling you they've had enough. I was about to say that Heidi's true calling in life might actually be as a Hooters waitress, but I kind of see her struggling with the entrance exam.