Episode Report Card Jacob: A | 12 USERS: A- YOU GRADE IT He That Believeth In Me
By Jacob | Season 4 | Episode 1 | Aired on April 4, 2008
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.The season begins seconds after the finale, fifty-five weeks ago: Apollo has just discovered Starbuck back from the dead and flying around, the Final Four are back at work, Baltar is being shuffled off to some kind of sanctuary, and there's a huge fight about to start with four big Cylon basestars. Here's what's up with everybody:
Lee is totally confused by Kara's reappearance, but super excited, of course. He has left the military permanently, and will now be joining the government in some capacity, hopefully involving an actual storyline for once.
Chief gives Anders a quick pep talk, and the newest nugget pulls it together and heads into combat. He sends some kind of glowy signal to a Cylon Raider scan of his shiny red eyeball, and the whole Cylon attack, four basestars and all, vanish. While it would be funny if he was secretly yelling at them with some kind of scary Wizard of Oz Final Five voice, it seems clear the Raider figured him as a Fiver, and the Cylon as a group realized that shooting at him, and the Fivers in the Fleet, would be about as tacky as throwing beer in St. Francis's weave.
Tigh is showing a...bit of strain under the pressure of Cylonicity, opening up the teaser by shooting Bill Adama in the head. Literally shooting his ass in the eye. Although whether it's suppressed Cylon programming or just a waking nightmare, we're unsure. I think it's the latter, because you know his number one fear nothing to do with hypocrisy, or the futility of killing his wife, but that something will happen to Bill. Which is sweet, but it's honestly the scariest moment, watching him plug the Admiral like that.
For Kara, the time between the Maelstrom and now was just six hours, subjectively. She is high on life and carrying loads of "vacation pictures" of Earth, and it takes her a while to figure out that everybody's acting so weird because she was dead for a couple of months. Given that generally she gets the slow clap for spelling her name right, her confusion is somewhat justified. Tigh, Tory and Chief are all total paranoid dicks and make sure they have as many fingers pointing at her as possible, but Sam and Lee are on her side. Of course. Somewhere Dualla's gotta be like, "Tell me when that bitch starts raping puppies, so we can throw her a party."
Madame President is not having any of Kara's mess, and throws her in the brig before visiting Caprica Six and learning that the Five are in the Fleet. It's really cool, because Laura just teases Caprica with the old "don't think of an elephant" trick until her robot eyes cross with the logic loop of not thinking about not thinking about not thinking about the Final Five. Caprica is awesome at a lot of shit, but nobody's immune to the BSD.
Around the same time, the Four agree that if they start acting toaster-like in any way, the others will gang up on them and shoot 'em dead. Grim. Meantime, all they do is get drunk and feel weird about themselves. Just like Kara and Tigh used to, before they died/turned into evil killer robots.
The Batshit Ladies of Baltar shove him in a tiny secret room on Galactica, where he gets laid a whole lot, prays for the son of his cult leader lady Jeanne, and feels yucky about having such a crappy cult. He eventually offers God his life in return for the kid's when he's attacked by Connor from the Circle, who kept tossing people out airlocks in the name of vigilante justice. He is saved by the completely crazy Paulla [sic] Schaffer, a cultist with a certain very amazing gleam in her eye and a taste for blood, and crazy. (I am in total love with her.) Also, his big Marxist agitprop philosophy includes that the Gods plural don't exist, and now he and his followers are all about monotheism. This is, of course, like a total birthday present for Chip Six, who looks more like a scary angel shark than ever.
Kara tries to get everybody headed toward Earth (and the Apocalypse!), but because of her being dead, possibly a Cylon, and generally hard to get along with, nobody's really listening. Even the Admiral admits that it's a hard sell to question Roslin's authority on the Earth issue after so many seasons of assuming her junkie ass knew what she was talking about. Which is like, so ironic, because fully half of every season is Adama committing the entire Fleet's resources to whatever bug is up Kara's ass at the time, but until now it's always dovetailed nicely with Roslin's separate ass-bugs. Adama, however, does not understand irony.
Every time they jump away from the Nebula in the direction indicated by the Pythian Scrolls, Kara's connection to their destination gets weaker and weaker. It also makes her want to barf, apparently. So, having had enough of her new magic powers getting ignored by everybody, Kara beats the shit out of several Marines, tells Sam that if he were a Cylon she'd murder him, and ends the episode with a gun pointed at Laura's beautiful head. Which to me proves that it's Kara, being that it's the most insane option. How great would it be if that were the solution? "I had my doubts, but only Kara Thrace could come up with a plan that idiotic. Welcome home." Want more? The full recap starts right below!
"Do you? That's a shame, isn't it?" All empty like that, well, what can we do about that? Gaius is very charming when he wants to be."Her Gods are false," Six spits, bathed in light. "Tell her." He does. "If you feel empty when you pray to Zeus or Poseidon or Aphrodite, it's because it is empty. It's a totally empty experience." She touches his face, unbuttons his shirt, and he starts stumbling over his boilerplate: "They're...they're not real. They've been promulgated by...a ruling elite...uh...to stop you from learning the truth." (Gods, how long has it been? Since the Basestar! That was so long ago! Before the Eye and the Rapture, even. Everything on the whole frakking show was different the last time Gaius Baltar got laid.) "And what truth is that?" asks Tracey: a very good question. And one which Gaius suddenly can't answer. He looks past her, at Six, and she thunders, exasperated: "There's only one God."
"In a nutshell," he continues, "That's the truth." She responds by popping her own shirt open. "We're alone here, aren't we? The others aren't coming back soon? And the door's locked?" She grins and nods. Demand anything. "All right, good." She takes his hands, and places them on her breasts. "Can you feel God's presence?" And you know, he says, he can. And so can Tracey. And those two lonely souls make love, in the presence of God, and on the wall there's a picture of Gaius Baltar, on a cardboard star, surrounded by candles and incense and cheap beads strewn and hung, and all around them there's just silence.
COTTLE'S VERDICT
Is that Kara is not a Cylon, which Lee totally didn't even believe, and Roslin still does believe. Bill can't explain, about the miracles and Orpheus and the hole in him from last time, so he just says sadly that they had to be sure. Roslin is still on her whole thing about how Kara is automatically a Cylon, which is pragmatic since they saw her explode and then reappear six months later. Which would be correct, +/- a standard deviation or six, but when her death comes knocking Laura Roslin starts rounding down.
"How many times do you want to hear it? I followed a heavy Raider into the storm. Took some hits, passed out. When I came to, I was orbiting this planet. Its yellow moon and star matches the description in Pythia. I took these pictures in orbit. The star patterns match what we saw in the tomb of Athena." Back when I was the favored daughter, back when you took me to your diseased breast.
"How did you get here?" No good answers. "Well, that's just not good enough, Captain.