Episode Report Card Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Diff'rent Pokes
By Keckler | Season 1 | Episode 2 | Aired on 03.25.2001
Seth and Anna have their date with the Golden Gate Bridge waving in the background. Seth makes death jokes that, well, die. He tells Anna he doesn't have a lot of time for dating behavior. "So," he says, "I think you're really hot and I'd like to have sex with you." Anna coughs on her bagel. Seth apologizes for sounding crass, but he's on an "accelerated time frame." Anna explains that if anything were to happen between them, it would only be because she felt sorry for him. "Totally not a problem," Seth the Horndog says. Anna tries again: "But it would be a pity thing." "Whatever works for you," Seth says. Anna tells him, "It's not gonna happen. It can't." Because he's dying, of course, Seth sees the first-years more clearly than they see themselves, and tells Anna she's beating herself up because she's "pining after Miles like a thirteen-year-old." Anna's all surprised. "Dying people can be very intuitive," Seth tells her, "and Warren told me." Oh, all right: heh. But dying people can dole out advice and be fairly confident that more people are going to take it, simply because they aren't long for this world. Seth tells her that she shouldn't wait forever to make up her mind about Miles. "Time isn't something you get back," Seth says, sounding way too much like a fortune cookie. Anna ponders all these things in her heart.
Senior Ass Bentley tells Riley that she's not to open her mouth in front of the Delia Twins, and that she's only there as "a warm body." Anna rushes in with the DTs' coffees and apologizes for her lateness. "There was a baboon working the counter. Here's your decaf caps," she says. What about the non-fatness? "You're sure it's non-fat, right?" DT2 asks. "Oh, yeah," Anna says, giving Riley a look. The Delia's Twins drink, and coffee trickles down their fronts. They squeal and stamp their feet as Anna apologizes insincerely and hands them napkins. DT1 stops squealing and says, "Lookit, my nipples are showing!" "Mine too," DT2 says looking down. "Cool," they giggle and walk away. Senior Ass Bentley glares at them. Riley and Anna are disgusted.
O'Donnell walks to court, with Joe nipping at his heels. "Joe, this coffee tastes funny," he says. "Relax, it's chicory," Joe tells him. O'Donnell stops suddenly, and Joe bumps into his shoulder. Sight gags. Only funny when they're not so CONTRIVED. PlasticMan and Andy Moffat greet one another sullenly and prepare to listen to O'Donnell. O'Donnell picks Andy Moffat's motion to present before the court. Will wonders never cease? You know, I don't think I can keep watching this show if it's going to be so packed with surprises all the time -- I'll develop a heart condition. Andy Moffat sits there like a martyr, and PlasticMan socks his shoulder. I guess it's supposed to be in a "yo, comrade!" way, but for some reason, Andy Moffat looks like he's contemplating a crying jag. Outside the court, Seth waits. Ooh, can you smell the irony? The man who's dying waits. PlasticMan and Andy Moffat join him. "Coffee?" PlasticMan asks. "No, no," Seth says, "it gives you cancer." Comedian to the end. The dying man, Laughing At Life. The dying man is More Alive Than The Living. Tragic non-irony. O'Donnell walks over and tells them that Brinner really wants this case to go away. PlasticMan asks if they made an offer. "But if I accept, what about all the other people? Does this screw up all their chances?" Seth interrupts. O'Donnell says there's nothing preventing others from filing suit and winning, "big." St. Andy Moffat the Martyr tells Seth, "Before you decide, Seth, I want to say I admire the fact that your first question wasn't 'how much?'" Seth tells him that was his second question. O'Donnell tells him they've offered $3.5 million. O'Donnell tells him they could get ten times that if it were class-action. "But that could take years," O'Donnell tells him. "And I'd be dead by then," Seth says. O'Donnell tells him it's his call and claps him on the shoulder: "Let me know." Seth thanks him, and they shake on it. The three men -- one dying, one gay, and one a superhero made of plastic -- sit there contemplating life.
Shaggy looks for a book in the law library and stumbles across Riley in a trenchcoat. Do I really have to go on with this scene? Shaggy gets pissed off that he was doing Riley a favor by looking up this book for her because she said she didn't have the time to do it herself. He's not too swift, is he? Riley shushes him, reminding him "this is a library," and kisses him. She drops her coat, and Shaggy giggles. "Loving that!" Shaggy says. Big, loud zipper noise, and Shaggy tells her he can die now. As will I -- just as soon as I crawl into this hole.