Episode Report Card Amorgan: C | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Mo' Menace, Mo' Problems (2)
By Amorgan | Season 1 | Episode 2 | Aired on 09.29.1999
The next shot is one of a blind woman walking down the hall. She stops, sniffs, and chuckles, "Ah. Good morning, Miss Frisch." As she walks away, Miss Frisch says admiringly, "Spooky!" You said it, sister!
Cut to a very creepily lit teacher’s lounge. Spooky is smoking a cigarette. The drag-king biology teacher says, "I thought you quit smoking, Principal." The spooky blind woman is the principal of the school? Well, if the Daredevil can fight crime using only his radar hearing and catlike reflexes, then I suppose this woman can handle a high school. The principal replies that there have already been two pregnancies and one knife confiscation, and it’s only four days into the semester. She then remarks that if "this keeps up, I’ll be on heroin." Um. Okay, maybe she is the principal of a school on another TV show, and she just wandered onto the set of Popular by mistake. The drama teacher swishes in and sings, "Good morning, ladies," casts a glance at the biology teacher, "and gentlemen." The bio teacher smiles, "You’re in a good mood, Vincent. Did they finally release Liza with a Zon DVD?" BWA HA HA HA! Mr. Vincent tells the bio teacher that even she can’t destroy his good mood, because he is anticipating a sold-out show for the upcoming student musical. "Remember last year when I did Brigadoon? The cast? Social zeros." A random teacher guesses that Mr. Vincent is so happy because he’s "nabbed" Josh for the lead of the musical. Mr. Grant, bless his heart, tears himself away from his donut to say that he doesn’t think it’s very "cool to be tearing a kid in two so you can win teacher of the year." Mr. Vincent purrs back at Mr. Grant, "Of the decade." Since when have teachers given a crap about how popular their students are? Last time I stuck my head into a teachers’ lounge, it was full of bitter, burnt-out husks mainlining coffee and cigarettes, talking about how to post their résumés on the Internet so they could get out of teaching for good. Anyway. In stomps the football coach, who plants a big ol’ tongue kiss on the drama teacher. Just kidding. Actually, he starts shouting about how the drama teacher has to give Josh back to the football team. (As if you couldn’t see that one coming from a mile away.) He makes a crack about Mr. Vincent finally "making up for a lifetime of being picked last for kickball," at which point Mr. V gets all mean and threatens to "come across the table" and kick the football coach’s ass. I love a good catfight. Unfortunately, the random teacher breaks in with a big speech about how the teachers need to set a good example for the students, yadda yadda yadda. The coach glances down at her and tells her that she’s a lot more fun when she drinks. Hee hee hee! That’s two really funny lines -- in one scene! If the writers don’t watch out, this show might actually start being funny with instead of just funny at. Mr. Grant asks them if they can’t work things out like adults, and the drama teacher asks him if he doesn’t have a highlighting appointment to go to. Mr. Grant looks very hurt and confused and stammers, "My hair is natural. I surf!" Wow! Okay - three funnies in a row. There’s no way they can keep this up. ("Unless, of course, they keep ripping off the teachers’ scenes wholesale from Parker Lewis Can’t Lose." -- Sars) The football coach makes a lame crack about seeing who will "score the final touchdown," and I relax. Coach marches off in a snit, slamming the door on the way out.
Cut to the boys’ locker room. Josh is staring into his locker with his back to the door. Sugar Daddy marches in wearing a bright yellow T-shirt that makes him look as big as a suburban dream home and demands, "Is it true that you tried out for the musical? Are you gay?" Well, hello to you too, Mr. Sensitivity! Of course, I’m wondering the same thing, but I wouldn’t just blurt it out like that. Josh says that no, he’s not, "But what if I was? What if I didn’t always make the easy choice? Would you still be my friend?" Sugar Daddy assures Josh that he would, and that he is "very down with the whole honesty thing." Um. What? Anyway. Josh says that he can do both the musical and the football team. Sugar gives a sarc-y response, and launches into a speech about how he is nothing without Josh, and how Josh is letting everyone down, especially him. Josh says that it’s just a stupid game. SD freaks right out at this one, so much so that he even forgets to use his dumb-ass ghetto speak for a good ten minutes. He tells Josh that if he (Josh) quits the team, nobody will like him (Sugar Daddy) anymore. Jeez! Insecure much? Josh reassures Sugar Daddy that everyone loves him. Sugar is practically crying at this point, "Everybody loves me because I’m with YOU," shoves Josh, then waddles off in a snit. Josh clutches a football in his hands, rolls his head around like Stevie Wonder in an attempt to display anguish and conflict, then throws a football at a locker.