Episode Report Card Miss Alli: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The no-sell motel
By Miss Alli | Season 3 | Episode 2 | Aired on 01.26.2005
Trump and the Viceroys -- and damn, I love how Carolyn dresses these days, and were I teeny, I would totally dress just like that -- head across the street to see the candidates. Trump's first order of business is to congratulate Danny on the fact that he's in a real, honest-to-goodness dark suit today, looking remarkably cleaned-up as compared to last time. It even looks like he had his hair cut. I'd like to be in favor of this development, but it makes me feel even more like all the crap last week was just for attention, and that doesn't impress me. Anyway, Trump calls this "very impressive," instead of questioning what made Danny show up looking like a clown in the first place, the way I would have, as stated above. Trump then rehashes the beating of the college people by the high-school people, and he then reminds us that the New York Post rated Trump International the top hotel in New York. (And rated Ann Coulter the Awesomest Lady Ever, so you know they can be trusted.) Wow, look at Brian with the hugely open shirt. That is not a good thing, especially on a guy who's sort of stumpy like that. Trump goes on to say that just as he created this hotel out of a dumpy old office building, they will be taking on a similar task this week, renovating motels at the Jersey shore. So it's...exactly the same. That's the ticket. And each team will have $20,000 to spend on the renovation. They'll get guests, and then the guests will rate the motels on Yahoo! Local. What's interesting is that Trump specifically says that the guests will be "paying customers," but the actual reviews from the customers repeatedly say things like, "I would never pay to stay here." So I think...not so much. Trump reminds John that he has an exemption if his team loses. Oh, and Carolyn and George will be watching. Which, this week, will be a very good thing. (Foreshadowing!)
In the Net Worth van, Brian offers to be the PM. John asks if anyone else wants to, and no one does, so that's that for that. Brian interviews that having been in real estate and having sold motels, he figures he can do it. Um. Okay. Oh, and he's "from New Jersey." So that's expertise right there. You know who should have been the PM? Sars. ["First order of business at Sars Corp.: Gagging Kristen with a boardwalk funnel cake." -- Sars] Anyway, Kristen tells us that she was unhappy as soon as she found out Brian would be the PM, because she's known "for a while" that she didn't like him. Like, for probably a lot of the three days she's known him. She also calls him "a problem child." As the group approaches its exit on the freeway, Brian talks about how Craig is a shoeshine guy, and if they could get him a chair and set up some hours, that would be a nice touch. Do people wear shine-worthy shoes to the beach? In New Jersey? Because...I don't think so. Anyway, Kristen looks disgusted, and disgusted she is as she tells us that Brian has "security issues," and "people like that cannot lead." But she chose not to "start a fight with Brian." We'll see how long she sticks to that conviction.
At the shore, there is windsurfing. In October. In New Jersey. Huh. Net Worth squeals as it pulls up to the Surfside Motel, its home for the weekend. "Oh, it's cuuuute!" Tana cries. Angie calls it "yellow and turquoise and beachy and fun." And then they get out of the van for a closer look. And she says that "the first thing [she] noticed was the smell." That's not good news right there, really, because I doubt it was the smell of flowers. Tara points out that "jaws dropped" at the condition of the carpets, the mildew, and the general "state of disrepair" that the place had about it. As they look around the paneling-and-Astroturf wasteland, John mostly-deadpans, "I just want to know where we're putting the shoeshine stand." Heh. Oh, that did make me laugh. Audrey, sounding like she's on the second day of a three-day Flu of Death, snorfles into the phone that she needs a dumpster at the motel immediately. And not just for her discarded tissues. She tells us that she knew this was a priority, because there obviously was going to be plenty of trash. And not just the women on the team. Rimshot! Audrey also reports that for $700, the dumpster people will come and clean everything out themselves. Kristen tries to apply the brakes, saying that she thinks they need to sit down and do a budget before they start spending money. As she explains, she's been put in charge of budget, and sees that as the most important part of the task, given the big job and limited funds. With the support of some of the rest of the team, though, Brian tells Audrey to go ahead with the dumpster, because at that price, they do need to get it here and start getting rid of the junk. Kristen starts out with the passive-aggressive by saying that she doesn't do things like that, but if they want to, she won't "take the burden on [her] shoulders." Of course, what she should be doing is figuring out how to then accommodate that as well as she can, but no, she'd rather disassociate herself. Brian interviews that Kristen "was shooting her mouth off" from the very opening of the task. "I think she forgets that I'm the project manager," he says. Oh, I don't think she forgets. Kristen snots (but not in the same literal way that Audrey snots) that they can just go ahead with it their way if they want to, even though she's "worked on projects like this a lot." What, emergency motel renovations? You have? Settle down, pinchy-girl. Because...again with the phenomenon of being right and still being really hard to take.