Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | 2 USERS: A- YOU GRADE IT Fake Palindromes
By Jacob Clifton | Season 4 | Episode 17 | Aired on 03.17.2013
Hobson: "How about 200 grand?"
Alicia: "On a two-million dollar policy? Give me a break."
INQUEST
Coroner Claypool/Professional Weirdo René Auberjonois welcomes everybody, including a panel of six jurors, and explains how this differs from a trial: It's a hearing to determine "the cause and the manner" of the man's death.
EMT: "The immediate cause was bleeding and trauma from massive internal injury."
Claypool: "Of all the drugs in the world, how many was Justice Ludwig on at the time?"
EMT: "He had a BAC of .06 and some other drug with a crazy name."
Janie: "Lie!"
Alicia: "It's cool, that's the fun part. EMT Lady, can I ask..."
Claypool: "-- By way of exposition, I'd just like to mention that your husband is the SA in the one county that's gotten rid of the office of the Coroner altogether. So I hate you, okay? I just want everybody to know that my weirdness is enhanced by a shittiness."
Alicia sets up her case the normal way, by taking down everything they've said before -- a blood level of .06 means like, two glasses of wine on a full tummy an hour before, and the other drug is an insomnia treatment that could easily just be left over from the night before -- and suddenly her cross is over with.
Claypool: "At an inquest you're only allowed to ask three questions. Did nobody tell you that?"
Alicia: "No, because you're just Ariel's mermaid father, not the Sphinx of legend or a troll that lives under a bridge. What the hell are you talking about?"
Hobson: (One thousand grotesque smirks.)
Claypool: "Short answer is, because inquests are stupid and we're doing everything we can to help the insurance lobby fuck this dead man's wife over."
Alicia: "What if I ask my questions like super fast?"
Hobson: "Listen, I know how this goes. EMT Lady, is it possible that he could have been drunk anyway?"
Alicia: "Objection!"
Claypool: "Mrs. Florrick! This isn't a regular trial! It's like one of those JAG episodes with Kuhn, or that time with the awful Europeans."
Alicia: "Really? Because it seems more like fuckin' True American."
Janie: "I'll be right back, I have to just go call every other lawyer in Chicago and hope that their three questions are better. Just keep throwing lawyers at him until this works out."
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