Episode Report Card Pamie: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Love And War And Snow
By Pamie | Season 1 | Episode 8 | Aired on 12.13.2000
"Of course I do," I smile.
"Don't do that."
"What?"
"Don't make the Lorelai face when you talk to me. It's very annoying. All wincey and smiley. I can't take it. And WHAT is with all of the pictures of Johnny Depp all over the table?"
"He's dreamy," I ooze, kicking my slippered feet up on the table and hugging my knees.
"This is incredible. I thought I was doing you a favor but I think I just went too easy on you this year. You've softened, Pamie. You used to bitch along with the rest of them. I don't know what happened. Don't you remember the days of Young Americans, when we stayed up late throwing things and screaming? Don't you remember that? You don't even smoke while you do recaps anymore. It's all different. It's all changed. And I found my Christmas present and opened it already."
"You did? Well, you're just a big poo head, then."
"Stop with the cutesy talk! Jesus. You bought me a training bra, Pamie."
"Well, you're getting older, and things are changing, and you're starting to get some cute little boobies."
"Listen to me. I miss St. Clare II. I thought for sure that we'd have her back by January. I thought for sure this show would bomb because no one would watch it and they'd bring YA back. I was positive. Look, this show is like, 102 on the list. They cancelled The $treet and that show was in the eighties. No one watches your show and it still wins awards and fills this house with that strange smell. What is that smell?"
"Cinnamon."
"It's disgusting. I miss the old Pamie that lusted after gay boys and ripped the Green family new assholes. I miss the Pamie that mocked Coca-Cola and hated Billy and wrote new theme lyrics about Lake Homoerotica. I miss the NAMBLA jokes, man. I miss all of that shit. Don't you?"
"Oh, St. Clare. Do you want me to make you some cookies?"
"I want you to take a good, long hard look at yourself and see what you've become! You've gone soft! You might as well just go back to writing love poems to boys who don't know you exist like you did in the tenth grade!"
"Now you're just being mean."
"I want my best friend back and I don't think there's ever going to be a show bad enough to cause her resurrection!"
"Did I mention I'm recapping Popstars in January?"
"...Really?"
"Yeah."
"The Making the Band rip-off show with the girl-band-Spice-Girls thing?"