Episode Report Card 1 USERS: F YOU GRADE IT Downtown Crossing (2)
By Jessica | Season 5 | Episode 15 | Aired on 02.12.2002
So, the cops and the EMS folks are on their way, and then Mr. Mugger starts wailing about, like, karma or some crap as he tries to light a cigarette. Joey finally helps him out. "Something I can do?" she asks. "Got any heroin?" he asks. She doesn't. I sure wish I did. "Do you smoke?" Mr. Mugger asks, chattily. "No. My mom had lung cancer, so I never would." Except for the part where her mom had breast cancer. Didn't she? Kee-rist. ["Actually, as far as I know we're never told what kind of cancer Lillian had. She could have had both, though, at the end, I suppose. Oh, who am I trying to kid? Fucking Continuity stole my luggage and that's the last I saw him." -- Sars] But, see, it turns out that Mr. Mugger's dad had lung cancer too! They bond, and Joey finds out that Mr. Mugger deals drugs because his "wench of a wife" is "very high maintenance." Yeah, I'm sure it's all her fault. Apparently, he's trying to worm his way back into her good graces after she finally dumped him. At long last, Mr. Mugger wonders why Joey's being so nice to him. Well, mister, it's because she's Saint Joey. Duh. "It doesn't take a doctor to see that you're in pretty bad shape," she says. And it doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that you could have called 911 from Professor Creepy's house. Finally, Joey reveals that her father was a drug dealer. And here we go. "Really? That's right, I think I saw him at a union meeting once," Mr. Mugger snarks. Joey tells Mr. Mugger that her father is actually in the pokey. And that, her whole life, she's been trying to figure out why he'd deal drugs when he had a wife and kids who "adored him." FINALLY, the ambulance pulls up and Joey finally shuts her pie hole. "Maybe that's why I'm being so nice to you. I want to know why," Joey muses. Sweet fancy Moses. She's looking thoughtful when the cops pull her away from Mr. Mugger and the EMS guys tend to his wounds. One of the police officers is trying to talk Joey into going to the hospital to get checked out as Mr. Mugger is loaded into the ambulance. "That's okay. I just want to go…" Joey faints in the middle of her sentence. Sweet unconsciousness. Why have you forsaken me?
Joey comes to in the ER. A doctor tells her she's "fine," but that she was "in shock." He wants her to go home and get some sleep. She asks about Mr. Mugger. He has "lots of internal bleeding," the doctor informs her gleefully.
Joey wanders off. On her way out of the hospital, she runs into a little girl who's standing in the hallway, all alone. Natch, she goes over to investigate, asking the little girl where her parents are. The moppet doesn't know. "You have pretty hair," she breathes. Joey Potter: beloved by children and muggers alike. Joey returns the compliment and takes the Moppet's hand, dragging her off to look for her parents. Soon enough, they find her mother. Let's call her Harmony, as she's played by Mercedes McNab, who plays ditzy vampire Harmony on Buffy. Sadly, this Harmony lacks some of the sassy verve of the Harmony we know and love. She also looks far too young to be married to Mr. Mugger. She's not a wife, not yet a vampire. Whatever she is, she's happy to have her baby back. Blah blah blah watch her while I inquire about my husband, blah blah blah I'd love to because I'm Saint Joey blah blah blah. Cue nauseating conversation between Joey and the Moppet, revealing that the Moppet's dad got hit by a car.