Episode Report Card 1 USERS: F YOU GRADE IT Downtown Crossing (2)
By Jessica | Season 5 | Episode 15 | Aired on 02.12.2002
Because you know what? Girls should never be unpleasant. Girls should never scream, or practice self-defense or even any kind of self-awareness, or make muggers and potential rapists feel bad about themselves. No! No! We should all be like Joey Potter and be polite -- yet charmingly sassy! -- to anyone who wants to wrong us. We should also make the crazy gun-toting criminals really work for their cash. They won't kill us, because they'll LIKE US. I sure am real glad I learned that tonight, because that's the opposite of everything that I've ever been taught by self-defense professionals and the police. Kiss my ass, Dawson's Creek. I can stomach the non-gay gay characters, and the spinectomys and the wussifaction of Jen and all the subtle sexism, even, but this is beyond the pale. Dawson's Creek owes every single person who watched this episode a copy of The Gift of Fear. And an hour of their lives. And a written apology. And some candy."Gee, thanks," Joey says. Joey? Still not leaving. "You know, another time, another place…" Mr. Mugger trails off. "What?" Joey asks, giving him time to walk in front of her and block her exit again. "You and me might have made a scorching couple," Mr. Mugger says. Joey comments that Mr. Mugger must have been dipping into his stash. "You can tell me you don't find me even the slightest bit attractive?" Mr. Mugger asks. Excuse me, I have to find a bucket. Also, speaking of people who aren't the slightest bit attractive -- why hasn't Creepy called Joey back to ask her where she is? Joey sneers that she's not into drug dealers. "Oh, that's original. Let's pick on the drug dealer, that's an easy target," Mr. Mugger whines. Man, I wish he would shoot me. To put me out of my misery. "Can I go now?" Joey asks. "No, you can't. I have another question for you," Mr. Mugger says. Joey raises a brow. "Are you a virgin?" I just vomited. "Could you be any more of a dick right now?" Joey wonders. "Yeah, I could kill you. Or worse even," Mr. Mugger says. Okay, here's the part where you can just scroll up a bit to where I pointed out that I'm pretty sure being murdered is the worst thing that can happen to you. Being raped, God forbid, is an absolutely horrific violation, one so horrible that "horrific" doesn't seem to cover it. But if you're alive at the end of night? Better than the alternative. And the assumption that you should just -- you know what? I can't even get into this. I'm already furious. I really don't want to have a coronary. Moving right along. Mr. Mugger tells Joey that he's just "screwing with [her]." She folds her arms protectively over her breasts and tries, again, to leave.