Episode Report Card Demian: C+ | 0 USERS: N/A YOU GRADE IT Centennial Charmed
By Demian | Season 5 | Episode 12 | Aired on 2003.01.19
Casa Del Cole. The elevator bell dings, and the doors slide open to reveal the haggard-looking himself wearily loosening his tie. He disembarks and shuffles over to a low table in the foyer, upon which he tosses his keys and wallet before sadly regarding a framed photo of himself and Phoebe in happier times. It's the same saccharine image used several times in the past -- the one featuring Phoebe in her knit Chemotherapy Cloche -- and I silently pray that tonight's events mean I'll never have to gaze upon it again. Cole bleakly lifts his eyes from the snapshot and stares into his reflection in the gilt mirror hanging above the table. He grants his reflection a slight, sardonically cordial bow, and murmurs a tired, "Happy birthday." Aw. I know from crappy birthdays and the uncontrollable waves of morose self-pity that can inexplicably wash over a person enduring one, so he's getting nothing but sympathy from me. Then again, Cole's wallowing because of The Knockered Nitwit, so perhaps I should be telling him to get the fuck over it already. While compassion and annoyance tussle in by brain, Cole turns and enters the Casa proper to examine that dreadful photograph more closely under a lamp. The Shimmery Presence Of Invisible Raige wiggles into the room behind him, and we switch to the InvisiRaige Cam for a second as Raige stalks up to Cole's back. To his immense discomfort, Raige propels herself into his body and presumably recites her vanquish. Small white flares burst through his shirt before he himself erupts in a spray of chunky demon pellets that vanish outwards from the frame.
Gasping from the strain of what she's accomplished, Raige materializes and glances around before panting, "I did it!" Not so fast, sweetpea. A buzzing noise emerges from the silence as the Cole bits swirl back together into a spinning swarm that rapidly condenses before Raige's goggling eyes. Raige: "Ooops." Heh. The Cole Swarm slams into Raige's chest, hurtling her backwards through the recently-restored French doors. She dissolves into a cloud of orbs as the glass and wood splinter around her. Cole coagulates, and the camera sweeps in on his face as he expels a guttural howl. This is the worst birthday ever!
A weeny little clot of crappy CGI orbs "vaults" the city skyline before "splashing" into the bay. Raige surfaces with much spluttering disappointment, and treads water for a moment before shooting a wad of snot towards Oakland through a mighty, inelegant, and decidedly unladylike sneeze. Get it? The chilly bay waters gave Raige an instant cold! Wah. Wah. Waaaaah!