Episode Report Card Gustave: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Sliced Jalapeno
By Gustave | Season 1 | Episode 9 | Aired on 01.21.2002
Jeez, it's not time for them to trot out That 80's Show yet, is it? Well, now that I think of it, maybe it is. It was back in 1991 when it became okay to become nostalgic for the seventies. 2002 is a ripe time to start turning our attention to the eighties…and away from That 70's Show, where the cast is getting kinda homely. Like, dude, what happened to that girl who played the lead guy's girlfriend? She did not make it out of puberty gracefully. Can you say "Erin Moran as Joanie Cunningham?" What's up with these girls on nostalgic sitcoms who don't age well?
The time is 8:16:16 AM. Klockwise from the top left, Spawn and Bride sit on a bale of hay and await more bad stuff, Palmer and Lady Mac sit in their limo contemplating serious matters, and Kiefer keeps his new bitch in line with his gun. The new KieferKaptee, by the way, is some moonfaced broad in a waitress uniform who looks like a long lost sibling of Joan and John Cusack. Kiefer trains his gun on her and shouts directions. They end up at a construction site adjacent to the power plant. They park, and Kiefer orders her up some stairs and into this office trailer that is sitting on top of a few stories of scaffolding. The office is locked, so he breaks the window.
Back at CTU, Soul Patch and KuffedSpice are in the archives room alone together, having a little "Spanish Inquisition" of their own. Soul Patch reminds her how much damage she did by cooperating with Gaines. Jalapeno brings out the violins about being a single mother with a job where she works twice as hard as everyone else but gets paid half as much. But when she admits that Gaines bought her services for the low, low price of $300,000.00, Soul Patch tells her in Spanish that she's a disgrace. Nina enters and orders Jalapeno to get Gaines on the phone and plant false information about Kiefer. Jalapeno refuses to help them until she has a written promise of immunity from the CTU legal department. Before Nina can bitch-slap KuffedSpice into submission, her cell phone rings. It's Kiefer from inside the construction site trailer. He apologizes breathlessly for shooting her and explains about Gaines, the kidnapped Kieferettes, and Gaines's access to the CTU surveillance cameras. Nina says that she already knew about the video feed, and informs him that Jalapeno was Gaines's inside person. Kiefer is shocked at this news and reminds Nina that Walsh cleared Jalapeno. "She just confessed," says Nina, and informs Kiefer of Jalapeno's refusal to cooperate. Kiefer asks to speak to Jalapeno himself. She doesn't want to talk, but Soul Patch makes her by holding the phone to her ear in one hand and training a gun on her with the other. Kiefer tries to relate to Jalapeno as a fellow sister in kuffs who's got a family depending on him. He gives her the full Sutherland velvet treatment and even gives her his word that she'll receive immunity, but Jalapeno is unmoved and opts to wait for an agreement in writing. Kiefer tells Nina to send him a car at the construction site…and to bring Jalapeno's son Kyle into the office. Nina promises to get on it, and hangs up.