Episode Report Card Lady Lola: C- | 3 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT The Women Who Hate Women or The Girl with the Lemon Tattoo
By Lady Lola | Season 5 | Episode 16 | Aired on 02.24.2011
Riverside Park. Lemon takes Abby to a special place. Guesses Abby, "It's where you got your V-card punched?" Lemon tells her they're at the statue of Eleanor Roosevelt, whom Lemon proclaims as "first lady to the world, champion of the rights of women, and the lid on my high school lunch box." Lemon encourages Abby to drop the "sexy baby act" and to talk in her real voice. Abby insists she's not putting on an act and can't help if men are attracted to her. She looks seductively over at an ogling homeless man, who quickly clarifies that he's not looking at Lemon. Lemon says she's trying to help Abby, who is obviously desperate for male attention, but Abby accuses Lemon of judging her for using her own assets to get ahead. She asserts she has nothing to explain, but Lemon thinks she's giving a bad name to TGS and women proper. At which point the homeless guy screams across the park, "Kiss!" Abby tells Lemon she is who she is and tells Lemon to deal with it. Then she asks if they can make out and sticks her tongue out like some shit from Cruel Intentions. Lemon grunts and walks off with disdain.
Jack's office. Kenneth walks in as Jack looks at an old picture of himself with Jacques Cousteau. He asks Kenneth how people will remember him after he's gone. Kenneth chirps that he's already begun composing a memorial ballad for the occasion. He begins singing, "Slaves of Jesus, hear my tale..." Jack cuts him off, guessing that people (and conversation robots) will remember him for wearing lots of suits and attending lots of meetings (plus reading lots of magazines about meetings). Jack wonders what he's been put on this earth to do. He toys with the idea of letting Kaley run Kabletown after all while he goes off to secure his legacy as a scientist and adventurer. In turn, Kenneth hopes for his own legacy as the creator of a Sesame Street-type TV show that promotes illiteracy in girls. Jack looks out into the distance as he conjures up his future as the giver of language to the world walrus population. Kenneth puts a hand of camaraderie on Jack's shoulder, to which Jack says gently, "No."
Downstairs, Jenna marches into Lemon's office to announce that she is taking control of the Abby situation. Lemon tells her to hold her horses and shows Jenna a clip of Abby as her formerly unibrowed, brunette self. Lemon rues the transformation of Abby (née Abby Grossman) from a strong, smart, beautiful woman to a "baby hooker." Jenna turns around and speaks into a voice recorder: "Children's book idea -- baby hooker. Don't tell Liz." Alas, Maroney, Bratz got there first! Lemon says she's going to play the clip for the rest of the staff to expose Abby. Jenna likes the elegance and viciousness of Lemon's idea, though Lemon still thinks she's helping Abby.