Episode Report Card Lady Lola: C- | 3 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT The Women Who Hate Women or The Girl with the Lemon Tattoo
By Lady Lola | Season 5 | Episode 16 | Aired on 02.24.2011
Upstairs, Jack sits in office during a conference call, staring off dreamily and looking at a collage Kaley made to thank him for their day of science. He gasps as he double-takes at the picture of Jacques Cousteau, then rushes to Abby's school. He asks her where she got the photo since it exists in only two places -- his safe and in Jack's autobiography, which is conveniently in her backpack. She drops the innocent teenager act and admits that she was "researching the enemy," just like he was. She says the ocean is for tools, then steps in closer and snarls that he'll never beat her at this game because she was born to run Kabletown. She threatens to tell her grandfather that Jack gave her alcohol. He in turn threatens to seduce one of her teachers into failing her. A couple teachers volunteer for that job, and the bell rings. He patronizes that she should run off to class now. She says it's her free period. Jack: "Well played."
Writers' room. Abby bounces in, squeaking, "You know what sucked about my last lesbian orgy...?" Lemon can take this pretense no more, so she pulls up the old clip of Abby online. Abby's voice drops a half-octave as she insists that clip isn't her. Lemon reveals that she sent the clip into JoanOfSnark.com. Abby stands up and growls (in her real, lower alto voice) that Lemon is a stupid, meddling bitch who has signed Abby's death warrant. Lemon is confused by the melodrama, but Abby explains that she changed her voice and appearance to get away from her violent ex-husband, who has been on a murderous, jealous rampage since getting electrocuted while watching Sleeping with the Enemy. Now it's Lemon's turn to be all, "Whoopsy-daises, teeheeheehee!" Abby pulls out her chicken cutlets and takes off her wig, telling Lemon angrily that she actually is desperate for male attention -- because it makes her feel safer. That's why she slept with Lutz. Lutz promises to protect her no matter what, then literally wets his pants a split-second later when the UPS guy enters the room with a package for Abby. The box comes with a note from Abby's ex that says, "I thought this box would be the perfect size for your head. P.S. I was electrocuted again while watching Seven." Abby says she has six hours left to start her new life, then storms out, proclaiming Lemon a Judas to all of womankind. Jenna gives Lemon a thumbs-up for flushing out their nemesis. Lemon tries to redirect the writers' attention by going over a sketch... in which Wonder Woman gets her period.