Episode Report Card Couch Baron: A | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT King Me, Asshole!
By Couch Baron | Season 1 | Episode 8 | Aired on 08.24.1997
Diane goes to see Ross and tells him it's over. He smarms that if she ends their arrangement, he'll bust her to Glynn, and she'll get fired and possibly do time. There's a pause, in which she no doubt thinks of eight hundred ways to kill him. Welcome to my head, Diane. She weakly asserts that he wouldn't do that, but he disabuses her of that notion. "Turn on me again, your life ain't worth shit." Well, if that isn't the pot calling the kettle dead. Ross walks out and smarms to McManus that Diane is a damn fine woman. McManus actually looks like he's sized up the situation accurately. Will the surprises never stop?
A new hack, Nowakowski, enters Oz. He looks like Rob from Will & Grace. In the laundry room, Ross and Ryan try to iron out (heh) what they'll do if the Muslims riot. Nowakowski observes them through the glass. Well, that was informative. He sees Wangler loitering (what a mom-aged word), and tells him to get lost. He doesn't, however, stick around to make sure Wangler does in fact get lost, which is lucky, since he's playing lookout for Adebisi and some other dude to snort some drugs. Nowakowski reports to Diane and Mineo for duty. Blah blah suspensions, blee blee newbies. In his pod, Said tells his troops that it's time, and orders Arif to start an argument with a hack, making sure the hack hits him first. Arif asks what then. "Jihad." I see. In the main area, Hill tries to cheer up Dobbins, but is rebuffed. Dude, you might do better to have a last meal or something. Diane continues with the exposition, and I was here for the whole season, so I'm going to skip it, especially since it involves Vahue.
McManus goes to see Rebadow, who's depressed that God lied to him, and McManus cracks me up again by looking at his watch before he's even settled into his chair. He says that he's late for a meeting, and Rebadow flatlines that he used to have meetings. "They never do any good." Prisoner flashback alert! An up-tempo song that sounds fifties where it should be sixties plays, as a young, jet-black-haired Rebadow meets at an outdoor café with someone who looks like nothing else more than a young Ed Begley Jr. Young Ed Begley Jr. reviews some blueprints that Rebadow gave him. Rebadow's apparently no Mike Brady, as Young Ed Begley Jr. crumples them up and throws them in his face. Rebadow responds by plunging a shrimp fork into Ed's neck. Rebadow opens up the blueprints and looks at them as Ed hilariously flails around in his death throes. Hee. I still think you're boring, Rebadow, but you killed Ed Begley Jr., and you did it with style. "Prisoner Number 65R814. Robert Rebadow." Murder one, death, commuted to life. Murder one? I'm no lawyer, but unless Rebadow brought the shrimp fork in his briefcase, I don't see the premeditation. Then again, maybe the jury just figured that there's no way he hadn't fantasized about killing Ed Begley Jr. at least once. Rebadow blathers to McManus some more, but McManus thankfully isn't interested in prolonging a boring conversation for once, and bails. Diane tries to introduce him to the new hack, but he blows by in a hurry. He sees Mukada, who goes in to talk to Alvarez, who's meeting with a bunch of his boys.