Episode Report Card Sars: C- | 1 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Future Shock
By Sars | Season 6 | Episode 23 | Aired on 05.13.2003
Hospital. Medical personnel bustle around Jen, who's gowned and lying on a bed, out cold, an oxygen mask over her face. At least now she has an excuse for having assy-looking hair.
Dawson stomps around the waiting area, bitching, "It's been hours. Why won't they talk to us? What's going on?" Um. "Us"? The fuck do you have to do with it, Dawson? I don't think patients' tenth-grade boyfriends really have much standing when it comes to being informed about said patients' care. Grams -- Jen's only blood relative present, let us not forget -- blahs something about the doctors monitoring Jen. Joey asks Grams, "What's wrong with her? You know, don't you?" Okay, seriously, I get that they're worried, and social etiquette is sometimes forgotten in times of stress, but if they've really been sitting there for "hours," they should have been acclimated to the situation enough to behave like thinking adults and not assholes. "You know, don't you"? Shut the fuck up, Joey -- it's not Grams's fucking job to tell you shit about Jen's physical health, particularly if you both live in New York and yet are not on good enough terms as friends for her to have volunteered the information herself. "Shut up"s all around. Grams (who has a lisp, suddenly, like she burnt her tongue on some hot tea) tells Joey that Jen has a heart abnormality; she's had it her whole life, but it wasn't detected until she got pregnant. Grams adds that it's not serious, and that Jen will be more embarrassed than anything else when she wakes up. Joey pretends to care about Jen, and Grams reassures her.
A doctor shows up to give Grams some news, and when she gets up to speak to him, Joey accusingly glares, "Jack, did you know anything about this?" Jack sucks his cheeks and says he didn't. Pacey asks if Jen has a heart murmur or what, like he's surrounded by doctors or something, and says it sounds serious. (It sounds like horseshit to me, but I'm not a doctor either.)
Grams returns and says that Jen is stable, and that she fainted from a palpitation caused by her medication; there's nothing more that they can do, so they should get lost. Dawson, Joey, and Pacey all pretend to care some more -- Joey's pretending so hard that she can't even remember to STAND UP STRAIGHT. Dawson presses Grams to assure him again that Jen will be all right, and Grams duly reassures him, before telling them again to go home, and heading down the hall to call Jen's parents. Everyone stares.
Cut to the love triangle: Now On Wheels! Pacey drives; Dawson has shotgun, and Joey, appropriately enough, is riding bitch in the back. Blah, Joey's nervous. Blah blah, Dr. Leery, Boy Cardiologist is sure Jen will be fine, and pronounces, "The best thing we can do is just be ourselves -- carry on in our typical, usual, distracting --" "-- sordid love-triangle ways," Pacey concludes. Joey makes a grapefruit face, and Dawson exhales loudly, smirking, "Leave it up to you to say the most inappropriate thing possible." Oh, please. That is the most inappropriate thing Dawson can think of that Pacey could say? That's not even gallows humour! I can think of many far more inappropriate things. "Guess Amy's going to be in a Party of One, soon, am I right?" Or "And here I thought the most abnormal thing about Jen was her terrible haircut!" Or "Man, when I heard the awful news, I felt like I'd been kicked square in the ventricles!" Or a simple shaking of the fist, accompanied by, "Why aorta..." Anyway. We all know Dawson is as fragile as a porcelain kitty, so I guess it makes sense for him to clutch his pearls at Pacey's rather innocuous remark. Pacey snerks that he's dependable like that, and Joey sniffs, "So very not funny." Her cell phone rings, and all her indignation is forgotten as she answers it and promptly babies, "Hi, Christopher!" Dawson blahs some unfunny crap about the triangle becoming a square, but it's not a joke or even much of an observation, so I won't recap it.