Episode Report Card M. Giant: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Out of Time
By M. Giant | Season 4 | Episode 22 | Aired on 05.15.2005
Naturally, they can't resist cutting to the actual guy in his apartment, just to show how striking a likeness it isn't. And he must not be all that gay, because he's just finished having sex with a brunette woman. "Now can we go?" he whines. Okay, he's pretty gay. As her face drops into the frame, we see that the brunette is none other than Naked Mandy. Yeah, he's totally gay. What, you don't remember Naked Mandy? She's the woman who blew up the plane in the series premiere, then tried to assassinate Palmer at the end of Season Two. Well, she's back, and she's naked. And a has-bian, apparently. Does anybody else think it's odd that during a season when the show picked up a slew of new viewers, one of the big repeated gimmicks is making a big deal out of bringing back characters that those new viewers have never seen before? She says, "We still have plenty of time to get to ImhoTerror," stepping all over her "Look, everyone! It's Naked Mandy!" music cue. Actually, she's not entirely naked; she appears to be wearing a black miniskirt as she lies on the bed with her "boyfriend," whom I have no choice but to dub Naked Man. Even though he gets up and pulls on his underwear as he says he doesn't "like cutting it this close." He leaves the room. All alone with her naked disappointment, Naked Mandy hears the sound of an approaching helicopter. Her naked boobies don't quite make it past the bottom of the frame as she stands up and goes to the window. She looks out at the quiet street and gives a nakedly speculative look, then begins to get dressed. Nakedly.
It's 4:47:47 on board the CTU helicopter as Kiefer passes around his GameBoy, which is currently displaying the bad composite sketch of Naked Man. He reminds us that Naked Man and Naked Mandy are "our only lead [drink!] to ImhoTerror. So once we identify the suspects, it is vital that we take them alive." I guess that means they can all feel free to kill any unidentified suspects. He calls Curtis at CTU, who confirms that DiCK is standing by to ID Naked Man. Actually he's pouting by, but Kiefer doesn't care. "We are a go," he announces. The chopper lands in a grassy field near a freeway, surrounded by LAPD cruisers. Kiefer meets the armored SWAT agent on the ground, tells him to keep all LAPD units outside of the perimeter, and gets into an SUV for the short ride to the apartment building. Which I'm calling the Naked Arms.
Where Naked Mandy has finished putting together her go-go assassin ensemble. Seriously, she's wearing black boots, as well as a black vest over her white, long-sleeved top. She looks like Han Solo in a wig and a miniskirt. Naked Man comes out to the living room, and Naked Mandy breaks the news that they've been found. Naked Man curses and starts getting ready to flee. "Hey, we can't go together," chirps Naked Mandy, getting her gun out of a bag. "One of us has to stay here in the apartment… If they think that we're still here, then it gives one of us a chance to escape." Naked Man thinks this is the stupidest thing he's ever heard: "So one of us is gonna get caught to save the other?" he asks in disbelief. "Exactly," she says. "It's gonna be you." And then she shoots him dead. Oh, these crazy sexually liberated people, with their beaded curtains and their loose morals and their easy willingness to betray their country to terrorists. If only everyone could keep it in their pants, or at least confine themselves to boning members of the opposite sex. It's 4:49:27.