Episode Report Card Niki: D | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Mystery Dance
By Niki | Season 1 | Episode 15 | Aired on 02.06.2000
So it seems a bit of a pattern is developing here, kids. Like: Judy can't have a pleasant date with a remotely normal guy. But that plucky little Judy -- instead of just staying home and avoiding all this misery and disappointment, she's going to get right back out there! Yessiree, apparently with the first guy who asks.
Cut to Judy in the bookstore with Lily. Judy's still wondering aloud why it is that her love life sucks: "Maybe it's me. Maybe I attract weirdos. I'm like -- what do they call that in physics? -- a magnet." Actually, I'm pretty sure almost everyone, inside and out of physics, calls them magnets, but I digress. "A strange attractant?" Judy continues, but Lily shuts her up with a swift blow below the belt. "A victim?" she suggests. Ouch. But then, I'd probably get a little nasty if I actually had to stand around listening to Judy go on and on and on.
That night, Judy's snug in her apartment, wearing comfy clothes, and chatting to someone on her computer -- someone named Jean-Paul. Whoa-ho, he's an international man of mystery. He writes, "There is no exit from you. No escape. I am smitten." I will refrain, with great effort, from making fun of this message. I'd hate for anyone to think I'm not romantic. And so Simone...I mean Judy...responds, "So shall we meet? Finally?" Okay, I can't stand it. "Smitten"? "SHALL"? What the hell? I'm not sure, but I think these crazy kids have gotten their hands on one of them there ro-mance books.
Next we see Judy sitting alone in a bar. Again. But this time she looks perky, expectant -- hopeful, even. As she sips from her martini, a strapping young lad comes into view, at a distance. Their eyes meet...could this be Jean-Paul? Get serious. Anyone who can't see where this is going obviously hasn't turned on a TV set in about thirty years. So anyway, strapping young lad sidles past and, disappointed, Judy turns her back to the bar for a moment. A masculine shoulder appears in the corner of the screen. A strong voice asks, "Simone?" and Judy turns to face a warmly smiling, but elderly, southern gentleman. Judy does a piss-poor job of hiding her disappointment.
Black-and-white Judy's back, this time to tell us how she didn't have a date for the millennium but that it's okay because it's not like it was an omen for the rest of the century or anything. Silly me, I thought she was going to say it was okay because she had a good time anyway. But still, Judy's fighting to remain optimistic about landing herself a man, in spite of all the horror that's gone before. That's good, she's got spirit. Men like that.