Episode Report Card M. Giant: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT O Brother, Where Art Thou?
By M. Giant | Season 6 | Episode 5 | Aired on 01.21.2007
Kiefer's now got his CTUmobile to himself, and as he drives down the road he dials his cell phone. The call rings through to a rather large mansion, where a blue-jacketed butler answers the phone. "Sam, is that you?" Kiefer asks, and identifies himself. Sam is amazed to be talking to Kiefer. "We thought you were -- where are you calling from?" he asks. Kiefer says he's in L.A. and needs to talk to his dad. But Sam tells Kiefer that his dad left yesterday without saying where he was going, and hasn't been heard from since. He even left his cell phone at home, so he can't be reached that way. Sam says, "It's all a bit mysterious. I tried calling your brother. He didn't know either." Brother? Let's all take a moment to wonder whom they've cast as Kiefer's brother, shall we? Ideally it would be one of his eighties-era costars. Jason Patric? Kevin Bacon? Michael J. Fox? The entire cast of Young Guns? Kiefer's bitter expression and the ominous music tells us it's someone we won't like. Kiefer asks for a cell phone number for "Gray," and Sam reads it off. Kiefer asks Sam to have his dad call him back if he hears from him, and Sam agrees. "I know he would want to talk with you. He regrets the way things ended between you." Kiefer thanks the gossipy old bastard and hangs up.
The entire conversation was being monitored in real time by some creepy security guy sitting at a bank of monitors. As soon as Sam hangs up, the guy picks up his own phone and dials. "You'll never guess who just called here," he says into the phone. And you'll never guess who's on the other end. The tight close-up of the Bluetooth in one ear is a clue, though. "Your brother, Jack," security guy says. And the camera pulls away from the Bluetooth to give us a look at -- brace yourself -- Graham. The same Graham who was always giving Logan such a hard time over the phone and trying to get Kiefer killed during the end of last season? Who kept talking about the need to "get rid of Bauer?" He's a Bauer himself. Graham Bauer, to be exact. I'm sorry for babbling, but come on. Paul McCrane and Kiefer barely look like the same species, let alone family. This is so stupid it's awesome. Graham's driving a car as he has this conversation, which I have to admit I'm not really paying attention to any more because my mind is totally blown. Anyway, the security guy warns Graham to expect a call from Kiefer any minute. "Dammit, we should have killed him when we had the chance instead of handing him over to the Chinese," Graham curses. "We tried," security guy reminds him. "My brother has a way of digging things up that need to stay buried." And the opposite, occasionally. Iâm not really sure what I mean by that. It's 10:33:52.