Episode Report Card Lady Lola: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT No Chain, No Gain
By Lady Lola | Season 5 | Episode 2 | Aired on 01.12.2012
The next morning, as Jionni and Sitch's trick leave, we're treated to a prolonged HoYay! exchange between Ronnie and Pauly. Frankly, it's unacceptable. I will only accept my gay innuendo between Vinny and Pauly. Alas, Vinny is too depressed not only to indulge in bromance but also to show up for work, and he flakes out on JWOWW and Sammi for the first portion of their Shore Store shift. When he does show up, he realizes that keeping himself busy will help with his creeping anxiety. Danny sees that Vinny is down in the dumps and invites him out for a one-on-one when Vinny reveals that he was diagnosed with clinical anxiety when he was 16 years old. He has suffered from panic attacks and insomnia that have resulted in depression, but he knows that being honest about his condition will help him come out of it. Danny encourages Vinny to stick it out, and it seems like it's the first time someone is getting through to Vinny. Like everyone else, Danny encourages Vinny to drink through the trauma, which may not be the best idea, but at least Vinny has a smile on his face again.
Back at the house, Snooki calls Jionni (you know, because they haven't seen each other for at least 12 minutes). She tells him the kids are going to Karma that night, and he cautions her against getting blackout drunk. She takes umbrage at this and is all, "He needs to respect who I am." Who she is, is a drunken slut wastrel, apparently. A bit later, as the workers head home, JWOWW notes, "I didn't even put underwear on today." Sitch can help you with that! Vinny goes straight to the bedroom, but his rest isn't meant to be as Pauly comes charging back in, saying, "There's my boyfriend!" He applies aloe to his peeling face (wonder if it was all the tanning?) and tells him they're having a "guys' day." What does that entail? Mani-pedis, of course! God bless the child who has to touch Ron's feet. (Then again, if people can deal with Sammi's Fred Flintstone toe, then how bad could Ron's toenails be?) After talk of happy endings in the car, the guys stroll into the salon for their man-pering. They laugh at how weird and uncomfortable it is to get their toenails clipped and their legs rubbed, but it's all ultimately helping Vinny feel a little better.
That night, Pauly's sunburn saga continues. Apparently he got so excited to be back in the land of plenty (of tanning beds) that he crispified his face, exfoliated off the peeling bits, then fried the shit out of the raw skin underneath. Now he's resorting to planting himself in front of the air conditioning vent and applying ice pops to his face to relieve the pain. Quoth Snooki, "I never thought in my wildest dreams I would tell somebody to stop tanning. That's when you know the world is coming to an end." Oh, I feel so bad for you people. Welcome to my damn world.