Episode Report Card Gwen: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Tying up all the loose and stupid ends
By Gwen | Season 5 | Episode 22 | Aired on 05.20.2001
The CamRents pretend to feed the twins. Annie’s church outfit is also ugly as hell, including a black collarless jacket with three rows of white piping around the neck. She might as well just bust out the color-blocking, y'all. Ruthie, in her ill-fitting burgundy brocade, tells them all that Mary and Lucy made up. We learn that the CamRents have spoken to James and Serena for reasons undisclosed. I know it’s because they read our forum and they borrowed the idea of doing some matchmaking.
Matt knocks on Cheryl’s door and invites her to church. She asks if they didn’t break up last night. He says nothing happened last night. Then he makes up some lame-ass excuse for why he didn’t “go public” with their relationship -- he figured that that way, he could keep Cheryl “at bay” regarding “the sex thing.” Whatevah. Cheryl asks if he doesn’t want to have sex because she’s not the type of girl he’d marry. Her face gets kind of blubbery as if that’s a sad thing. Matt tells her that it’s way too early in their relationship to get it on. He asks if she can stand to keep dating him, keeping it slow and steady. She says she can. Here’s hoping her vibrator isn’t the kind that makes a lot of noise.
In the church courtyard, Serena apologizes to RevCam, and he tells her he found her a good female counselor at another church. Meanwhile, James is apologizing to Annie. The scenes go back and forth between the two sets as the CamRents work the Cupid angle with the lust-laden Losers Of The Week. Next thing we know, James and Serena are walking off arm-in-arm and Ruthie’s saying something snotty. “Your boyfriend and his girlfriend look pretty good together,” she tells her parents. That’s funny, but a hard spanking still wouldn’t be amiss here.
Deena accosts Simon in the church room where they always have the cookies. Simon tells her that he can’t be friends with her anymore because he can’t take the strain. “What if I change my mind about us?” Deena simpers at his retreating back. “It would be too late,” Simon says. Ouch! Put that in your compact and powder your nose with it, Deena!
In her too-big pastel-green coat dress, Lucy waits for someone. Mike walks up and apologizes for the other night. He’s accepted that he can’t make her love him. “Jeremy wants to marry me,” says Lucy. “I do,” says Jeremy, who has suddenly appeared like a werewolf in the night, except that he’s in broad daylight and he’s not as appealing as a werewolf. The two boys shake hands. Mike wishes the stupid couple well. Lucy kisses his cheek, and he takes off. The CamRents walk up and welcome Hairemy to the family. Lucy’s surprised. Annie makes a little speech about how they allegedly trust Lucy. RevCam wants to request that Lucy attend Kolbel, the seminary where he trained in the ways of holy nosiness. “As a matter of fact, I made a call this morning,” he says. “If you want, I’m sure they can expedite your application so you could start this fall, maybe even take a few classes this summer.” Wow. Here I was, thinking RevCam’s web of bribery only enshrouded the local police. Lucy hugs her parents and hauls Hairemy into the church. Annie and RevCam babble about something or other.
John and Priscilla are in the hospital in Back East, dressed in their wedding finery. “Come on, you two,” John’s dad says. “Everyone’s waiting.” He kisses Priscilla’s cheek and the scene ends, leaving us to imagine the wedding that the producers couldn’t afford.