Episode Report Card M. Giant: C+ | 0 USERS: N/A YOU GRADE IT Mole Patch II: Electric Whatever
By M. Giant | Season 3 | Episode 21 | Aired on 2004.05.04
In Spawnders's holding room, Soul Patch tells Spawnders that she's going to be moved to Division shortly. She asks what Division is, and I must confess I'm interested in the answer to that question myself, but they're interrupted by a phone call from Kiefer. He wants to talk to Soul Patch outside the observation room, and Soul Patch agrees. It's 9:30:59. Soul Patch comes out of the room to face Kiefer. Kiefer wants to know what the hell is going on, and asks Soul Patch if it's true that they have a mole. Soul Patch plays it cool, or as cool as a guy can play something when he's as sweaty as Soul Patch is right now. Why does nobody notice this or comment on it, especially in light of the big red spot on his neck bandage? Kiefer wants to call Division down on the mole, but Soul Patch, believe it or not, disagrees, claiming that he doesn't want to tip their hand yet. Kiefer turns and watches Adam the Woman Hater acting not at all suspicious, then reluctantly agrees. He wants Division to come and pick up Spawnders, and then he wants to go to Tech One with Soul Patch and work with Potato Face. Soul Patch can't have that, so he says he's got a thirty-minute status call with Brad Hammond at Division, and he'll take care of telling him so Kiefer can go up and help Charlie Brown with whatever he's working on. Poor Soul Patch. It's so much easier to lie to people who aren't Kiefer. All sorts of warning bells are going off inside Kiefer's head, but he agrees and walks away. Then he turns back to see Soul Patch looking sneaky as hell. It's safe to say that Kiefer's suspicions are well and truly aroused. Kiefer heads over to Adam's desk for confirmation of Soul Patch's "status call," but Adam doesn't have any record of it on the schedule. Kiefer stalks off.
Oh, God, here we go. This is just about the dumbest thing ever. It's 9:32:33, and Sherry Palmer is being led through the Keeler campaign headquarters, smiling pleasantly at everyone she passes. She comes into Keeler's office and they kiss-kiss, which jars a bit considering some of the unkind things he said about her on national television the night before. Lady Mac says she's there on a private matter, and Poor Man's Tim Russert just stands there until Keeler picks up his cue and asks him to leave, which he does. I wish he would stay, because then I wouldn't have to listen to this absurd conversation, let alone recap it. But the sooner I start, the sooner I can get out of this dentist's chair of a scene. Lady Mac comments on Keeler's lost endorsements, and Keeler blows it off as a daily fluctuation. That's the spirit. Lady Mac isn't buying it: "No, John, your campaign is imploding. By the time the press has a chance to analyze all the mistakes you made last night, you'll look like a desperate candidate gasping his last breath." Oh, what the hell ever. Could she be any more obvious about following the marketing principle of creating a need? Keeler doesn't have any more time for this nonsense than I do, but Lady Mac placates him: "I came here because I can guarantee you a win in November." Now she's got his attention, because he's an idiot. She leads with a disclaimer: "What I'm about to tell you, I'll deny to my grave if you try to hold it against me." Deny all you want, crazy lady. Keeler nods indulgently, and Lady Mac drops her bomb: "David Palmer is an accessory to murder." Keeler doesn't seem shocked, perhaps because he reads all the fringe political websites, so he just skeptically asks, "Whose murder?" Lady Mac tells him Alan Milliken. Keeler points out that Milliken died of a heart attack, and I must say that he certainly does keep abreast of news that doesn't involve the election. Lady Mac explains that she was the one who kept Milliken from reaching his nitroglycerine. I always had a problem with that as a murder method. I mean, how could she have been sure that withholding the medication would actually kill him? If he'd survived, she'd be in a mighty awkward position right now. Almost as awkward as the one she's putting herself in now, as a matter of fact.